Mike's Blog in G, by YoHahn SomeGuy

I've sworn off conventional radio because it makes me want to kill people.

I'm not willing to pay for satellite radio.

So I've been listening to the local classical station. You know, it's all soothing, and maybe I'll learn to appreciate something cultural.

I've made some observations during the last few weeks of listening to classical -

A) There's not a lot of new stuff. Mostly it's the latest amazing violinist's interpretation of something someone wrote 500 years ago.

B) In 400 years, will we have a hundred and fifty different versions/remakes of "Baby Got Back"? I hope not.

C) Most of the music sounds the same to me, which you can say of any station I suppose. It's just my ignorant ear, which doesn't have the knowledge to properly appreciate what I'm listening to.

D) The DJ's talk as if they're all well-dosed with some prescription sedative.

F) I'm enjoying the classical guitar pieces, perhaps just because they're more clearly different from the other works.

Thanks, Short Attention Span!

I walk around the block during breaks and lunch.

There's a little shopette in the complex, which I pass on my way out of the buildings. It sells everything from coffee and iced cream to muffins and cookies.

As I walk past, I think "Maybe I'll get a muffin and a Frappucino on the way back in".

And 99% of the time, I forget about getting a snack until I'm back in the elevator, on my way up to the office.

ADD be praised, my waistline thanks you.

Don't Try This At Home

Along with the nominally legal ideas that occur to me, there are a lot of wild, illegal schemes that pop into my head. Nonviolent ones, of course. I'm all about live and let live.

...Though I really would love to go postal at work some day with a t-shirt gun...

I'll never actually commit a crime, but it's entertaining to consider. Ok! So this idea is something I like to call "Sack O' Money". I've been thinking of using it in a story.

What Tom - the thief character - would do is: observe the actions and steps followed by the armored car collection officer, their schedule and protocols.

One guy stays in the truck, and the other guy goes into the retail store and brings out the loot.

Tom would probably have to get a job at such a retail store, to be able to observe the necessary steps. At a guess, the real armored car guy walks into the back room, signs a form on a clipboard, collects the Sack O' Money, and goes his merry way.

What a great heist! No yelling, no guns, no scaring people, nobody tries to be a hero. All Tom needs is a uniform and a bit of information. Does the guy sign his name and provide a specific numeric entry on the form? If so, he might simply be able to look at yesterday's pickup entry, and copy the number.

Is there a safe word? "The surfing is great in Chile this time of year..." the head cashier says. "Only if you like sushi." The officer says back. Probably no safe word or phrase.

So Tom buys a uniform at one of the uniform outlet stores, and buys or fakes any required arm patches reading "Wells Fargo" or what have you.

An accomplice would be following the actual armored car, and appraising Tom of its location. At least 15 minutes before its arrival, (too early and the money bag might not be ready) Tom heads to the back, tells the staff he's there for the Wells Fargo pickup.

"Where's Frank?" The cashier asks.
"Sick today." Tom replies.

And Tom walks out with Sack O' Money!

Location would be important - a place where Tom could quickly round a corner and be out of sight, and into his vehicle would be best.

Which day would be important. The Tuesday after a three day holiday weekend would bring in the most cash.

Type of store would be important. A large bookstore or electronics chain would make enough money for a worthwhile hit, $20,000 or more. It would have to be large enough and laid out so the cash room had no windows that could see the armored car was not waiting outside.

Some sort of quality disguise would be necessary, since Tom would seen up close and would be likely caught on camera.

It would be a good idea to remove the nondescript getaway vehicle's license plate and replace it with a false one - the fake license plate could be put into one of those slightly yellow plastic plate protectors, making it harder to tell from a real plate.

Of course, Tom would get greedy, try the same scenario a few times, and get caught in the end.

Unfinished Sympho...

I like really big personal projects. The wide-open possibilities appeal to me strongly, and it's all about the potential, what I can do with it, where it might lead, what I'll learn in the process.

Then I get into the actual work of it, and the project rarely gets completed. Not because I'm lazy - so much as the next idea comes along, and I'm enticed away as if by a siren song.

Often, I get a few books on the subject matter and learn enough to realize why my idea won't work, is far too expensive, or has already been done - which is fine, I researched the concept.

But still, it would be nice to finish a project more often. I'll make it a mid-year's resolution.

Quantum Cable Theory Untangled

I moved my work desk about six feet on Friday - there are some new people starting, and it makes more sense with the new layout, especially since I'm not part of this company.

(I'm working at an office in Los Angeles, doing work for a company in San Francisco, actually employed by a temp agency based in Pennsylvania). Yes, my life is a series of odd situations.

As I moved all my computer components (I run 4 PCs at the same desk), I was once again dismayed by the quantity of cords and cables necessary to run modern technology.

I thought this was the wondrous 21st Century, the wireless age, the freakin future, already!

I've been toying with an idea for a few years now. For patients with artificial hearts, the power is transmitted through the skin, without wires, using an external and internal coil - this is called transcutaneous energy transmission when used in the body.

A magnetic field between the two coils transmits the electricity. Similar to the gaps between nerve connectors (sans the chemical component).

There are also versions of magnetic coil transmission with everyday appliances, like electric toothbrushes and shavers - anything that might get wet and therefore unfriendly to open electrical contacts.

We can and do beam electricity through skin and plastic. Why don't we have PowerDesks? The desk would have numerous transmitting coils throughout the desk top. The base of the computer monitor, speakers, mouse, etc would have receiving coils.

No cables.

At most, you plug one thing - the desk - into the wall or floor, and arrange your desk as you like. Often, we have to arrange appliances on a desk so the cords will reach. No longer a problem.

There are still the data lines for the monitor, mouse, keyboard, and etc. Wireless mice and keyboards are already prevalent, and monitors may already exist.

It makes sense, however, that if we can transmit electricity itself to the appliances via these coils, data should be possible as well. A datastream is just a series of codified pulses. This means no data lines for any of your desk appliances, including the phone.

This technology could also be applied to entertainment centers. I don't know about the rest of you, but I have two power strips plugged in behind mine, with a frightening tangle of electrical and a/v wires just begging for the slightest spark to kill us in the night.

The use of electricity transmitting coils as a viable technology would require appliances designed with this power source in mind. Like any new technology, it could take a good ten years before manufacturers and consumers catch up. There would be the inevitable period of adaptors and connectors. A portable power mat, instead of built-in to the desk top.

My one concern with this technology is that we might be bathed in strong magnetic fields even more so than we are now. Wouldn't this be a health risk?

The fact that it's used in patients with artificial hearts would make me think it's not a problem... But the dose in artficial hearts would be very small, unlike the dose from a power-transmitting desk top.

Even if the artifical heart dose were a problem, these people are close to death anyway, and the side effects of the magnetic field are probably less heinous than an infection (from using power cables through the skin).

I suppose you'd have to build a prototype desk and appliances, then test how much leakage there was to the environment, and what effect it would have.

Fans = Summer Life Support System

I’m watching Anacondas: Search for the Blood Orchid, which I would never do unless it came on spontaneously after something else. Which it just did.

One of those bad movies you allow to run in the background while you pay half-attention and veg out on the couch, go to the kitchen and make lunch, then go give yourself a hair trim and take a shower, and return in time to catch the last of the movie, which ended just as you expected it to.

Another hot day, but I really can’t summon the will to go out into the world and find an air conditioned place to hang out. Cindy’s at work, and going out alone feels pointless.

Ben and Jerry for Sainthood!

Ben & Jerry's now offer these cute little singles, the iced cream equivalent of a tequila shot. They even come with their own little spoon!

Cherry Garcia, my favorite flavor, clocks in at 220 calories - a very respectable portion of iced cream. Not a sufficient portion, to be sure - since I can happily devour half a pint in one sitting with sticky-faced enthusiasm.

I'm glad to see these smaller portion sizes, because I've been ranting to Cindy for a while now that it's not so much that everything tasty is bad for you, it's that the portions are totally out of control.

Smaller portions should be more readily available. Interestingly, you can find a mini bag of Oreo's at the drug store, but not at the grocery store. The normal sized bags of Oreo's contain 51 cookies.

Who is going to slowly portion their huge pack of Oreo's? The package does not lend itself well to being resealed, so it seems Nabisco expects us to devour the entire package within 1 to 2 days. So I like the small sized Ben & Jerry's, and hope to see more of the same.

I also have an idea about portion control, because sometimes I'm in a very snacky mood and have little self control. Usually I'm fine, but on some days I'm weak, and the cookies they come a'callin.

Idea:
The PortionSafe(TM).

The PortionSafe(TM) would essentially be a series of sturdy drawers linked to a time lock. Each drawer would be sized to hold a small quantity of cookies, chips, pork rinds, whatever your weakness is.

You come home from the grocery store, and portion out your evil snack cakes into the various drawers. One drawer = one recommended serving size.

Then you close the drawers.

The time lock feature will only allow you to open one drawer of your choice a day. This does not mean that on Friday you can open five drawers. One drawer every 24 hours.

There could also be a PortionSafe(TM) version for the fridge, a version for Beer and Wine, and a version for the freezer. And the accessories! Downloadable DrawerTones!! Don't get me started.

And if you really just gotta get in to one of those drawers RIGHT NOW, you can call the PortionSafe(TM) Hotline (only $2.99 a minute!) and we can unlock a drawer electronically, ala OnStar.

It would be so funny when your kid locks your car keys into a PortionSafe(TM) drawer just before you have to leave for work.

Honk if you're...thorny?

I couldn't think of anything to blog about yesterday... Maybe it was just the heat, I dunno. I was busy at work, where I'm usually not busy, and where I usually post my blog. So there you go.

I was walking around the block during lunch yesterday - as is my custom - and someone driving by in a car did the 'Hey Honk'. Since there was no one else around, I assumed it was meant for me.

I looked, and it was four landscaping guys, in their work vehicle. Had they read my blog about genetically engineered grass, and wanted to offer me some props? It seemed not. They drove away.

I'm still waiting for the day when the ladies of the world see me as honk worthy. When I was single, I was told "once you're taken, the ladies will find you irresistible." But I've been taken for nigh on a decade now, and nothin.

Now it's "Daddies with babies are super hot." So it seems I have to breed in order to be desirable. Kinda awkward, that.

I'm not hoping to cheat, but it would be flattering to turn an interested gal aside with "Sorry, I'm married."

I'm one of those people who is getting better looking with age. I have a hodge podge of lopsided features that is slowly becoming worn smoother with the erosion of time.

My luck will be, when I turn 80 I'll finally start getting propositioned, when I don't care any more or can't do anything about it if I do.

Ate Too Much

I ate like 4 pieces of pizza, and then followed it up with coffeecake and icecream.

So. Very. Full.

It tasted really good though.

Round Table's Garlic Supreme Pizza is to kill for. And I will if it ever comes to that.

It's Still a Young Industry

There's a big hoopla right now about Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, and now the ESRB is getting blamed for being toothless.

It's true, they are. They really don't have the resources to accurately rate a game. The ESRB grew out of the valid need to rate games by age group. It works for movies, why not games?

That doesn't mean a 16 year old doesn't want to see an R-Rated movie, and he likely will find a way to get in. It's the same with games.

The ESRB is non-profit, and still really finding its way. It's a nominal service that is supposed to address an important issue - making sure mature materials are not as easily accessed by minors. The ESRB needs a lot more funding, and in the end it will have to come from game developers themselves.

I've worked in the industry for a few years now, I can say that the ESRB makes it very easy for game developers to sneak questionable content past them.

The whole row over San Andreas doesn't really qualify, since the code in question was disabled, and so not intended or accessible for viewing by the public. But if you can hack into the code, you can find all sorts of remnants that are otherwise inaccessible.

This is just the one of the first high profile incidents with remnant code. There will be many to follow, from all sorts of games that have been out for years - now that it's seen as a newsworthy topic. Much will depend on the end result of this one case.

I've filled out many ESRB submission documents, and they read like tax forms. It's all very iffy wording and if-this-but-not-that-and-goto-line 42.

You tell THEM which age bracket you qualify for. Then they can agree or disagree.

You pop a tape in the VCR, record a few hours of gameplay footage, (not necessarily the racy or gory stuff) and send it with the forms to the ESRB. A few weeks later, you get your stamp of approval.

This is not an accurate way to rate games. Developers should send the game to the ESRB, and their own staff of testers should play through.

With a game like GTA San Andreas, it could take a few weeks (or more) of play (and that's eight hours a day) to complete the game and all its mini quests and unlockables. That's the only way to know what content is in a game.

To do this, the ESRB would have to charge developers a lot more than they do now for evaluations. With games costing what they do to produce, (millions) spending a few thousand dollars per game for an accurate rating seems nominal.

Here's an update on this issue.

Missed Opportunities

When I was a kid, I read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy. I was all about escapism back then, and in some ways I still am. I was always more comfortable alone, reading a book than I was socializing with people.

(Cause, you know, a person might say something I'm unprepared for. Can't have that).

One day when I was twelve, I was reading some 'average kid becomes wizard' fantasy fun, and the kid in the story was asking his mentor how the power came to him, where all the magic came from.

He was told that he was brave, and had heeded the call of someone in need, and this selfless act earned him the right to wield such power.

"I want to help people." I said out loud.

Just then, JUST THEN, as the words came out of my mouth, the doorbell rang. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I went not to the door but to a room nearby, where I could peek out the window and see who was at the door without being seen myself.

It was a woman - the new neighbor from next door. Hmn. She'd never just rung the doorbell before...

And I didn't answer the door. I let her walk away.

No magical powers for me.