Um...

Dinner Guests Prep - Suggestion

Long before you start cooking, turn on all the burners to high for 5 minutes. Allow anything burnt on to burn off.

Let the air clear fully (open a window, whydontcha) and then start cooking. This means your lovely dinner won't be tainted by the smoking remains of last week's Chef Boyardee.

While playing Diabo 2 this weekend

I'd summoned an Iron Golem, using as my metal component a pair of very snazzy armored boots...

At one point, the Iron Golem was in my way, stuck in place and jittering in the "help, I'm stuck!" half-animation.

"Dammit, get out the way!" I said. "Stoopid Golem."

"Hey! Give me a break! I'm made of shoes!" my brain answered for the Golem, in an Eddie Izzard voice.

A Yellowed(?) Post-It Note from 1985

Note to self -

What the hell is a "Sussudio"??

.

Real Life Conversation # 19

Huff huff hff huff!

I'm worried that after I leave, you'll fall off the treadmill and lie there, hurt.

Huff huff! Aw, I won't fall.

Mmn.

And if I did, the kitty would call 911 and give me CPR.

Chuckles.. I can see her jumping on your chest, boing! boing!

Cute Kitty Voice: Dammit, I'm not gonna lose you! Puff! Puff! Fight! FIGHT!

Cute Kitty Voice: ...I haven't had breakfast yet!

this never happened

Yeah, my Uncle Ben was kinda out there, you know?

He was always like "I'm gonna make it big, kid! Everyone's gonna know my name!"

Like anyone could be famous for making rice.

The Y Chromosome and You

There are Men and there are grown boys.

I'm a grown boy. I feel like I should be admitting that in front of a support group for some reason...

3 Things

Why is it, going 3.8mph on the treadmill makes taking a drink of water a series of careful deliberate steps, but in the car, I think nothing of toying with my iPod at 70mph?

Can work stress cause stigmata? Or did I simply poke myself on something? And if it is stigmata, why me? Wouldn't a true believer have a lot more fun with them? Talk about something to include in the Christmas letter.

Hey, I get paid tomorrow!

Attn: Time-Traveling Assassination Squad 3

Dear TTAF-S3 Captain,

Congratulations on the rousing success of your most recent mission!

Our clients (The Committee for Easy-Listening Radio Sanity) are most pleased with the never was .of Bob 'Ducky' Jameson. Nothing shuts a guy up like having his grandfather killed as a two year old. In fact, the client was so pleased that they provided a $5000.00 bonus for each of you!

Unfortunately, Ducky Jameson's gap in the Easy-Listening genre has spawned an artist almost as bad. (no, I'm not talking about Kennys A-F, as it seems soprano saxophones cannot be banished no matter how we try).

The new target is one Rod Stewart. Search north London in the mid 1940's. Dangerous place, London... Maybe a V2 could take out mommy.
.

.Tempus Iuguolo

Preliminary Report XJA2(B)

The ruins on the planet are extensive. We've begun digging on the northern continent, which was recently uncovered when the P3 Glacier retreated.

We appear to have discovered what is almost certainly a religious offering, laboriously scrawled using a red waxen stylus on a bleached, mashed cellulose and epoxy medium.

Their supreme deity appears to have been a form of large Awqk.

This prayer-sheet appears to juxtapose the dichotomy of the precise nature of this Awqk-God, (as is typical with all early mammalo-sapiens) describing him as an Awqk, but without hair, and therefore fundamentally un-Awqk-like.

Perhaps this lack of hair was a symbol that this Awqk (named Fuzzy Wuzzy, it seems) was more enlightened than his (presumably) hairy peers. The debates regarding Evolution were clearly an important issue on this planet.

Spot the Fake # 2

I'm dealing with maps a lot lately. I'm still new to Florida, so the perversity of the locales just gets me. Surely there is no actual place named Yeehaw Junction. Surely.

Can you spot the fake Florida town name in the list below?

Bokeelia
Chokoloskee
DeFuniak Springs
Gotha
Homosassa
Hypoluxo
Lake Panasoffkee
Myakka City
Okahumpka
Okeechobee
Olustee
Opa Locka
Punta Gorda
Thonotosassa
Tuskawilla
Umatilla
Weeki Wachee
Wuzzle Springs
Yeehaw Junction