This neighbor is always coming and going at odd times. Shovels and black bags are a common sight in his back yard, I shit you not. Zero gardening.
At what point do we call the authorities? I mean really. He now has at least three chest freezers.
Showing posts with label serial killers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serial killers. Show all posts
Sunday, December 26, 2010
ANOTHER ONE?
Just how many chest freezers are too many chest freezers for a single guy living in a one bedroom apartment?
This neighbor is always coming and going at odd times. Shovels and black bags are a common sight in his back yard, I shit you not. Zero gardening.
At what point do we call the authorities? I mean really. He now has at least three chest freezers.
This neighbor is always coming and going at odd times. Shovels and black bags are a common sight in his back yard, I shit you not. Zero gardening.
At what point do we call the authorities? I mean really. He now has at least three chest freezers.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Here's the thing
So there's this guy, right? And he's a serial killer - but he doesn't like to get his hands dirty. He drives around in a pickup truck - the front cab is packed full of stuff, so there's no room for anyone else.
Serial Killer is on the on-ramp of the freeway and stops to pick up a hitchhiker, one of those guys you see by the side of the road wearing a dirty wife beater, a week of beard growth, with a limp cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He may or may not have a mangy dog with him. Let's say not, because I like dogs.
The serial killer stops to pick up the hitchhiker, but there's too much stuff in the cab. SK leans out the window of the picket and tells HH that he can ride in the trailer. It's one of those classic teardrop trailers, made of aluminum. SK tells HH that he's just finished refurbishing the trailer and is on his way to deliver it to the family that just bought it.
HH thinks it's a bit odd that SK would allow him to ride in the trailer, especially since HH is a bit rank, smelling of booze and urine, but a free ride is a welcome thing.
The trailer has nothing but smooth polished metal inside, but still cool since it's morning. It's clean and antiseptic, smelling vaguely of chemicals. HH finds a woman's bracelet on the floor of the trailer and pockets it.
They've only gone a mile down the freeway when HH decides the trailer is too stuffy. He tries to open one of the cute little windows, but it seems they are just for show, not actual windows.
Moments later, SK pulls a lever and an acid bath washes over HH. The screaming lasts only a few moments - not that it matters, since the trailer is very well sealed. The acid sloshes back and forth in the trailer until 19 minutes later when a timer goes off in the cab. SK pulls another lever and the acid is pumped into a holding tank. 10 minutes later, SK pulls another lever, and within a minute he flips all levers back to their original position.
Finally, he presses a button. A red light blinks five times, then turns green.
SK pulls off the exit ramp and into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant. He opens the trailer - holding his breath against the wave of chemical smell - to find HH's clean, bleached bones curled into a tidy fetal position. He uses pliers to pop out the five teeth with dental fillings, and pockets the teeth.
SK scoops the bones into a surprisingly small bag, and tosses the bag into the fast food restaurant dumpster. He drives away.
Serial Killer is on the on-ramp of the freeway and stops to pick up a hitchhiker, one of those guys you see by the side of the road wearing a dirty wife beater, a week of beard growth, with a limp cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He may or may not have a mangy dog with him. Let's say not, because I like dogs.
The serial killer stops to pick up the hitchhiker, but there's too much stuff in the cab. SK leans out the window of the picket and tells HH that he can ride in the trailer. It's one of those classic teardrop trailers, made of aluminum. SK tells HH that he's just finished refurbishing the trailer and is on his way to deliver it to the family that just bought it.
HH thinks it's a bit odd that SK would allow him to ride in the trailer, especially since HH is a bit rank, smelling of booze and urine, but a free ride is a welcome thing.
The trailer has nothing but smooth polished metal inside, but still cool since it's morning. It's clean and antiseptic, smelling vaguely of chemicals. HH finds a woman's bracelet on the floor of the trailer and pockets it.
They've only gone a mile down the freeway when HH decides the trailer is too stuffy. He tries to open one of the cute little windows, but it seems they are just for show, not actual windows.
Moments later, SK pulls a lever and an acid bath washes over HH. The screaming lasts only a few moments - not that it matters, since the trailer is very well sealed. The acid sloshes back and forth in the trailer until 19 minutes later when a timer goes off in the cab. SK pulls another lever and the acid is pumped into a holding tank. 10 minutes later, SK pulls another lever, and within a minute he flips all levers back to their original position.
Finally, he presses a button. A red light blinks five times, then turns green.
SK pulls off the exit ramp and into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant. He opens the trailer - holding his breath against the wave of chemical smell - to find HH's clean, bleached bones curled into a tidy fetal position. He uses pliers to pop out the five teeth with dental fillings, and pockets the teeth.
SK scoops the bones into a surprisingly small bag, and tosses the bag into the fast food restaurant dumpster. He drives away.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
The Evidence is Stacking Up
Who needs TWO chest freezers in a one-bedroom apartment? Only a serial killer, that's who.
He's quiet, polite, mysterious, keeps to himself - yep, all the symptoms of serial killing. If only if I knew whether or not he eats bread - that would be the clincher. I suppose I could go through his trash...
Should I call the authorities?
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Morbidly Craft-tastic!
The best arts and crafts take everyday things, everyday problems, and turn them into something other - perhaps wholly unexpected, but somehow fitting in their new guise and surroundings.
In business, huge profits can lie in finding a niche market - going into a fresh direction, solving a problem no other company has even realized needs solving.
The Problem:
Serial Killers have loads of corpses littering up our good nation's ditches, copses, and marshlands - this unregulated disposal is highly problematic - I can't tell you how many nature hikes I've taken that have been spoiled by the discovery of a mutilated corpse - another Sunday morning needlessly ruined!
The Solution:
EtchCo's Corpse-Cutters: The Road-Kill Collection(tm)
Don't fling last night's conquest down the nearest embankment! Is that the work of a professional hunter or a perverted nothing? Are you a Nine Year Old Boy Locked In His Aunt's Closet Or Are You A Man?
Prove your manliness with EtchCo's Corpse-Cutters: The Road-Kill Collection(tm). The kit includes: Goggles, Gloves, Fillet Knife, Trophy Ziplock, Assorted neutral-toned (fully biodegradable!) fur scraps, Disposable Waterproof Camera, High-Quality 32-page scrapbook, Bleach (1qt), and these 4 quality road-kill cutters:
That's right, we have four high-quality .5mm teflon-coated steel cutters, each with their own size and weight allowance:
Cute Little 1 lb. Mouse
Adorable 3 lb. Bunny
Precious Lil 8lb. Schnauzer
Huggable 35 lb. Llama
(photos not to scale)
The first 200 orders include the 'How to Scatter Your Road-Kill Cut Corpse' pamphlet - (don't make the mistake of drawing attention with too many roadkills per mile), so ORDER TODAY!
Did you know that over 63% of all serial killers are apprehended as they revisit the graves of their conquests? With EtchCo's Corpse Cutters: The Road Kill Collection, you'll be able to drive right by their mouldering remains every day and never raise an eyebrow. Now that's satisfaction you can take to the bank! ORDER NOW!
In business, huge profits can lie in finding a niche market - going into a fresh direction, solving a problem no other company has even realized needs solving.
The Problem:
Serial Killers have loads of corpses littering up our good nation's ditches, copses, and marshlands - this unregulated disposal is highly problematic - I can't tell you how many nature hikes I've taken that have been spoiled by the discovery of a mutilated corpse - another Sunday morning needlessly ruined!
The Solution:
EtchCo's Corpse-Cutters: The Road-Kill Collection(tm)
Don't fling last night's conquest down the nearest embankment! Is that the work of a professional hunter or a perverted nothing? Are you a Nine Year Old Boy Locked In His Aunt's Closet Or Are You A Man?
Prove your manliness with EtchCo's Corpse-Cutters: The Road-Kill Collection(tm). The kit includes: Goggles, Gloves, Fillet Knife, Trophy Ziplock, Assorted neutral-toned (fully biodegradable!) fur scraps, Disposable Waterproof Camera, High-Quality 32-page scrapbook, Bleach (1qt), and these 4 quality road-kill cutters:
That's right, we have four high-quality .5mm teflon-coated steel cutters, each with their own size and weight allowance:
Cute Little 1 lb. Mouse
Adorable 3 lb. Bunny
Precious Lil 8lb. Schnauzer
Huggable 35 lb. Llama
(photos not to scale)
The first 200 orders include the 'How to Scatter Your Road-Kill Cut Corpse' pamphlet - (don't make the mistake of drawing attention with too many roadkills per mile), so ORDER TODAY!Did you know that over 63% of all serial killers are apprehended as they revisit the graves of their conquests? With EtchCo's Corpse Cutters: The Road Kill Collection, you'll be able to drive right by their mouldering remains every day and never raise an eyebrow. Now that's satisfaction you can take to the bank! ORDER NOW!
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