Etcher's Law #33

Don't kick 'em while they're down.

Etcher's Laws #4

Life is largely repetitive tedium - take a little time out of each day to work on a project you enjoy.

It might take a long time to finish each project, but in the end you'll be glad you did.

Etcher's Law #30

If you never get wet, you're not close enough to the edge.

(While I feel this is true, I too rarely get wet...)

Etcher's Law #71

Eat thee not an entire box of White Cheddar CHEEZ-ITS, lest thy urine reek of artificial flavors.

Yea verily.

Etcher's Law #5

You're in some guy's dank basement with a bunch of other misguided hopefuls, in the midst of a fucked-up initiation rite for a particularly scary cult...

Do not say: "Y'all are fucked up, I'm out." and try to leave.

Say: "Fuck yeah! Goat blood is where it's at! Why do we only have one virgin to slay and devour? What is this, The Third World?" (Throwing up the horns is optional at this point.)

Once you are safely back in the safety of your car, drive to the nearest city and contact the FBI. You might want to stop to wash the blood off your face, or not - it would give your story more oomph.

What prompts this new Etcher's Law? A news story:

Police: Woman slain trying to leave KKK rite

"NEW ORLEANS, La. (AP) — An Oklahoma woman who was lured over the Internet to take part in a Ku Klux Klan initiation was shot and killed after the ritual went awry, and the group tried to cover it up by dumping her body on a rural roadside and setting her belongings aflame, authorities said..."

Etcher's Law #2

Managing everyone's perception of you is very important in all aspects of life.
How do you register on other people's radar?

Make all your blips good blips.

Etcher's Law #23

It's all about expectations - you don't go to the Cobbler for cobbler.

Etcher's Law #31

Grudging respect is the best kind.
.
.

Etcher's Law #3

"When in doubt, remember SPAJA!"

(Some People Are Just Assholes)

Etcher's Law #48

If your peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn't get jelly all over your hands, you didn't use enough.