Bleeping bleeper

I've vented my frustration with 'things that beep' here but it's not just microwave ovens that are the problem.

I'm a distracted guy, usually in the middle of five things at once. I've gone into the kitchen for some orange juice, noticed there are no clean glasses, unloaded the dishwasher, loaded and started the dishwasher, put the clean dishes away, taken out trash, refilled the water bowl for the squirrels, started a load of laundry, fed the cat and eventually wandered back to the PC, wondering why I left it.

Right! OJ!
Except (son of a bitch) we're out of OJ.

So I set timers. Lots of timers. I set a reminder for anything might need one. But timers and alarms are annoying. Four or more alarms in a day are more than enough to get you irked right there. Thanks to my iPhone, I can set as many alerts as I like.

I do set quite a few...

• Alarm - 5:30 (ugh)
• Timer - 10 mins - I dry my towel after a shower
• Timer - 5 mins - Pancake batter matures as stove warms
• Alarm - 30 minutes before I'm to leave for work
• Alarm - 15 minutes before I'm to leave for work
• Alarm - several weeknights - favorite tv shows
• Alarm - Monday nights - Call Mom!
• Alarm - Sunday mornings - Sunday Paper!

You get the idea.

Most alarms and timers have a very grating sound, by design - they need to catch your attention over whatever background noise or music or talking might be going on, and perhaps wake you from a sleep. Our house is very quiet - we don't blast music, and I don't have a house full of people making noise. It's usually me, Michelle, the cat, and we're web surfing, reading or watching TV.

We've reached a sufficient level of technology that any timer or alarm should have options for alert sound volume control and a wide assortment of different ding/ring/beep/klaxon sound effects from even a simple digital timer.

I've tried several options on the iPhone timers and alarms, and settled on the 'Harp' sound. It's actually soothing - I don't grit my teeth when it goes off - and the sound is different enough from the normal background noise that it stands out.

One feature I'd like with the iPhone that is not an option: the ability to record my own alert sound. How about my voice or Michelle's voice saying "Psst! Hey sweetie, don't forget your towel in the dryer. Love you!". Doesn't that sound like a scene right out of a kinder, gentler future - a place you want to live in? Sounds like it to me.

Hey there, little fella!

Each of the pics I snapped of this tiny lizard came out a bit blurry thanks to his size and the fact that he's perched on the outside of the screen. The body alone is about an inch long, and he skittered around the patio window for a good twenty minutes, amusing the cat greatly.

Another thing I wanted to mention - for some reason with my iPhone4, the original orientation of pictures seem to be embedded into the file itself. So if a picture was taken 'upside down', then even if I rotate the image in Photoshop and save in a new orientation, when I import into Blogger, the picture is once again/still upside down.

The only way I've found to resolve this is to take a screenshot of the picture in the final orientation I want, paste into a new file, then save and import the new file. Any ideas, smart people of the internet?

LeeLoo! Multi-Pass!

Bwa Ha Ha'ing like a super villain (which I think will be my Halloween theme for this year), I downloaded the 'Dragon Dictation' app, which is supposed to be pretty decent speech-to-text program).

The iPhone version of Dragon Dictation does a decent job. I speak pretty clearly as a rule, (Death to Mumblers!) and extra carefully when dictating to an app. Dragon Dictation gets 90-95% of my words correct, which may be a wonder of programming but using the on-screen keyboard to make corrections is frustrating.

Also, Dragon has an option to post your dictated text directly to Twitter - cool!
But Dragon does not display a count of your characters - stupid!

So - Back to the Bwa-Ha-Ha. I warmly basked in a smug sense of cleverness as I recorded a story idea into the 'Voice Memo' app on my phone, and then attempted to allow the playback to dictate to Dragon Dictation, also on my phone.

But no. The two apps will not run at the same time, so much for multi-tasking - this is my first multi attempt after having the phone for a few weeks. This is the only thing I want to multitask, damn it.

I understand that only certain types of apps can run at the same time, and that the OS is just trying to maximize my processor speed experience and battery life. I can see an option in future iPhone OS's to allow multi-tasking of most apps, and pop a warning that running X and Y at the same time may not be recommended - you could allow or deny.

But I do have options now. I could dictate directly into the Dragon app and risk losing valuable details. I could record a voice memo and playback to the Dragon app on Michelle's phone. Or I could use my PC. Meh, meh, meh.

Next for iPhones - Infrared Emitters and LASERs

I received my iPhone4 on Thursday night, and have been playing with it ever since. The new features are not as world changing as I'd expected, which is logical since I've had an iPhone for two years.

My old iPhone was the original 2G, 8GB version, so getting GPS, video record, and 3G with the new phone is very cool - it just didn't 'rock my casbah' the way going from a crummy flip phone to the iPhone did.

Surprisingly, one of my favorite new features is the ability to categorize apps into folders.

Also, the anti-oil coating on the glass doesn't really seem to collect fingerprints any less, but it does seem to allow my fingers to glide a bit better - there seems to be less friction, and I'm liking this.

As soon as I get my hands on a new piece of tech, I start thinking about everything it could do, but doesn't do.

The ability to use the phone as a remote control for the TV and DVD player would be very cool, and there is an add-on device you can buy from a 3rd party vendor that will turn your iPhone into a remote control. I'd like this feature built in, but I don't plan to buy the add-on.

A feature that I don't believe is available even from a 3rd party but would be very useful would be a laser thermometer.

The laser thermometer would need to have the laser emitter and the laser sensor built in to the phone, but would have many applications for temperature sensing alone; Scanning your beverage, the fridge, the freezer, your car's radiator, the cooking griddle or pan, the oven, outdoor temperature, bathwater, even your own body temperature.

Having the laser emitter and laser sensor built in to the phone would allow for many applications beyond temperature.

The laser could determine the shape and size of a room or house, telling you how much carpet or tile you need to buy, whether or not the new furniture you'd like to buy will actually fit, whether that new TV you're considering would fit into your entertainment center.

You could scan the layout and dimensions of your home allowing for easier renovation plans, determine the air volume for air conditioning and cooling. There's also a whole variety of uses for motion sensor apps.

A laser would also be useful for scanning UPC and Q-Codes, which the phones can do now (after a fashion) as they take a photo of the code and read the data from the photo, but having a built-in laser means one less step.

Given all the great applications a laser and sensor would allow, maybe EtchCo needs to create a little docking laser gadget for the iPhone...

Darned Creative Passwords!

I've been lulled into complacency by wifi passwords like '1234'. Where's a 'WiFi Crax' iPhone app when you need one?

'Catan' for iPhone

Just a quick one - there's a truly great board game out there called 'Settlers of Catan', which was first published in 1995 in Germany. It's been called the killer app of board games.

If you have never played, you are doing yourself a great disservice - run right out and buy the board game now, it's available at most Barnes & Noble stores.

To me, the best part of Catan is the fact that even during other people's turns, you still get to play (after a fashion) as you may gain additional resources with each roll of the dice, on your turn or not - and you're constantly scrutinizing the board and the actions of the other players to fine tune your own strategy.

An iPhone app for Settlers of Catan was released recently - named simply 'Catan', it's $4.99 and I have to say - not worth it. It's perhaps worth 99 cents.

The gameplay in the iPhone version is clunky, the interface is dated and there are many times in the game when you have no access to the menu, there is no landscape view, there is no online multiplayer, you can save only one game at a time. The AI is not at all challenging, even when you manually select all of the most skilled bots as your opponents.

The 'fun' factor is very decidedly lacking. (I know I've said before that FUN is the hardest thing to write into code...) I can't recommend this game at all. I'm very disappointed, because I was very excited when the game was announced. I've played other digital versions, such as the one offered by MSN Games - for all its flaws, the MSN version is 1000 times better than the iPhone version.

Please check out the MSN version of Settlers of Catan here - it's a lot of fun. It's a demo version, but it takes about sixty seconds of Googling to find the registration key you'll need to convert it to the final version. I've spent at least thirty hours playing the MSN version and it's an enjoyable challenge.

Fondleworthy: Meteor Blitz

Most of the iPhone apps I own are free downloads, but Meteor Blitz is worth the $1.99 price tag.

Gameplay is straightforward - it's Asteroids. You have two control sticks; the left stick steers and the right stick fires (I always think of this as 'Robotron Controls').

I'm still not completely sold on using the touchscreen as controller and display - it's frustrating that my hands block part of the action, and the friction of my thumbs against the screen seems to vary depending on the moisture of my skin at that moment. I'd welcome a hack that would allow me to use my Wii Remote to control the iPhone - I'm sure some ingenious hacker is at work on this.

It's challenging without being impossible, with a variety of weapons and upgrades along the way. It's the kind of game you can play for just a few minutes if you're killing time waiting in line or what have you.

If you enjoy a little mindless rock destruction, you'll enjoy the game.

Boxed In

I downloaded an iPhone app recently called 'Boxed In'.

It's a simple game - you're a little robot that pushes boxes out of his path, and/or onto little pressure pads that allow him to collect gears and exit from one level to the next.

The robot can only push, cannot pull, and must collect all gears before leaving the level.

I got a bit stuck on Level 9, since I could not simultaneously get boxes on all three pressure pads (the colored dotted lines) at the top. I even took the time to create a version of the map in Excel, so I could just study it without the distraction of actual movement.


Finally while studying the Excel version, I realized you don't have to maintain pressure on all three pads at once. My assumption was keeping me from solving the level. TSK!

3 Things

It doesn't seem to matter how early I get up, it's hard to be productive before 8am.

Hey, maybe I should get up at 7 from now on to work out and shower...

Have you noticed that scrolling through a drop-down menu on an iPhone makes a sound like a Geiger counter?

Need to Need the iPhone 3GS?

I have a perfectly good 1st generation iPhone, the plain ole 2G unit with 8GB of memory - can't get more basic than that. (Okay, so there was briefly a 4GB version.)

As you may know, the iPhone 3GS is available now, and it does fancy things like shoot video, automatically iron your shirts, and yes, even get you laid.

Unfortunately, my 2G 8GB iPhone is working perfectly. The metal case is a bit dinged up, but I don't even have any screen scratches to complain about.

The closest thing to a complaint is, we have pretty crummy AT&T coverage at work (the block our building is on basically dwells in a giant, ancient sinkhole) and there's a possibility that 3G coverage might improve that. I suppose I could beg to borrow Cindy's 3G iPhone on her next mid-week day off and check the 3G coverage and how big a difference it makes...

Since I only use my phone at work during my lunch hour, this isn't a big enough deal to justify buying a new phone. One good thing is, I have no AT&T contract to worry about, since I bought my phone outright and now could get a new iPhone for about $200 - depends on the memory capacity I decide on.

I'm sure there are a lot of people like me who want the new features, but are having trouble justifying the expense of replacing something that's working perfectly well as it is.

Here are a few suggestions:

1) Take up heavy drinking in seedy bars - you could get drunk and lose it, or you could get embroiled in a bar fight and damage it. Possible bonus - might get laid.

2) Begin the 'Strange Pictures of Me' project, where you hand your phone to random strangers on the street and ask them to take pictures of you - one of them will eventually say "give what back?".

3) Take up Parkour. You will fall on your ass a lot in the beginning - keep your iPhone in your back pocket. Definite bonus - All Traceurs get laid.

4) Become the first Bathroom iPhone Juggling Expert. You'll juggle an iPhone, a bottle of water, and a bowling ball. This method will likely get you a new iPhone soonest.

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Before and After

I bought an iPhone app called 'photogene'.

It lets you edit pics, crop, color, contrast, etc. I like it! It's worth the $2.99 I paid.

the perfect low-tech solution

I hook my iPhone into a radio-transmitter in the car, so I can listen to music (usually Pandora) on the way to and from work.

As the phone cycles during the hand-off from one tower to the next, there comes that 'cell-doppler-buzz' sound from my speakers.

The buzz is annoying. You can buy all sorts of different little shielding doo-hickees and gizmo's to resolve this.

Also, if you put your hand on the cable leading from the phone to the car power outlet, it will supress the buzz.

Or, if driving with one hand troubles you, just run a loop of the cable under your ass. Works great.

Disappointment #3

"Hey man, want to hang tonight?"

"Can't. Getting my iPhone activated tonight."

"Ha, no really."

"No. Really."

(Tone = Disappointment #3*) "Dude."
(Tone = F@$# Yeah!) "Dude!"
(Tone = Aw Yeah Baby) "Dude."

"So, no hanging tonight? Seriously? So you can play with a phone?"

"Dude, this is the geek equivalent of the honeymoon night. You're not gonna see me till Tuesday."
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Disappointment #3 - also known as Congratulations for Wonderfully Wrong - When you've just had spectacular, adulterous sex with the hottest girl in the state, (aka your sister-in-law) on the night before she divorces her husband (a priest) to join a convent.
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iPhone is the Answer!

I've been wanting a thumbdrive to protect and carry my important files. Why buy one, when I could store data with an iPhone. I want a digital voice recorder - I could do that with an iPhone. I want to be able to surf the web while on lunch at work - iPhone. I need a new kidney - iPhone.

Whatever you do, don't watch this.