Catchliest Death

For some reason, Deadliest Catch is one of the more popular shows on Discovery - I suppose it's the constant risk of death that makes the show interesting.


The constant risk of death makes the show unwatchable for me. If these guys were out on the perilous waters because crabs contained a cure for cancer or even the common cold, I might be a bit more interested. But no - they're risking their life for a luxury food product - I caught a snippet of an episode this weekend, where they explained that 30 men died in one year.

We can culture pearls and diamonds, we grow fish in hatcheries, why not crab? Apparently it takes 3-4 years for a crab to mature, so for the first 5 years or so, you wouldn't have any crab to sell - but after that, you could harvest your crab yearly if not more often, with no risk to human life. I know nothing about fish/crab farming, but this seems do-able.

But let's say crab farming in a tank is impossible for some reason - fine. Design sea-going vessels that can't capsize, a vessel that won't allow deck hands to be washed overboard, a vessel that isn't prone to ice buildup or ice impact.

What is this miracle ship you ask? A submarine crab boat (new from EtchCo!). The subcraboat would navigate 20 feet under the water, avoiding waves, wind, and most floating ice.

The crab pots would be unchanged, the only difference: the pots would be raised into an airlock rather than brought up on deck. The water would be pumped out of the airlock, and the deck hands would have a safe, secure environment to unload and sort the crab.

I picture an assembly line setup (or dis-assembly?) where the first airlock is at the front of the ship - the fore crew collect the full pots. The pot proceeds to the center section, where the pot is dumped. As the pot moves on, the mid-ship crew sorts out the toss-backs. The stern crew baits and drops the pot back into the water.

But wait! This would be an expensive ship! Yes it would - but no one would die - how much is one human life worth, let alone 30 in a single year? Captains could pay their deck hands less because the risk would be far less, the conditions would be far better, the ship would receive less damage from the elements, lower insurance rates, etc etc...

Best of all, no one needs to die so we can enjoy crab at Red Lobster.

Only Neil Armstrong can say that. Or can he?

Discovery Channel recently aired a documentary called Expedition Borneo and the show was every bit as good as the trailers led me to believe. It was very well shot - Borneo has such amazing scenery, the documentary had great editing, and the scientists were so damn excited to be there, you get caught up in the thrill too.

Such as one scene where a scientist finds some freaky insect about the size of a dinner plate, and he scoops it up with his bare hands - "He's beautiful, isn't he? OW! He's biting me! Ha ha ha! He's gorgeous! OW! OW! Ha ha ha!"

I really enjoyed watching the program, and the worst part was when it ended. I could go for entire series on these people wandering around in Borneo, and nearly getting killed every day.

There was just one thing I had a problem with:

Repeatedly, the scientists would say "This is amazing! And to think, we're the first people in the history of mankind ever to see this!" and then they'd take a few steps, round a corner, and find a 15,000 year old pyramid. "And this is a 15,000 year old pyramid - they don't build em like this anymore, heh heh!"

And then a couple scenes later: "This is amazing! And to think, we're the first people in the history of mankind ever to see this!" and then they'd round the corner and turn to their native guide and ask a question. Then the scientist would translate for the guide: "Bob and his people have lived here for the last 9,000 years. We're lucky to have him along! He just told me that I've been bitten by a venomous flower and have about 2 minutes to live."

5 minutes later: "This cave is amazing! And to think, we're the first people in the history of mankind ever to see this!"