Wednesday, January 31, 2007

New Template!

I had to upgrade to the new Blogger, and in the process I was taking a look at the other options for templates - nothing good.

I was really looking forward to an improved template - I'd had the last one for a good two years I think, but sadly the options weren't any better with the new Blogger than the old.

I ended up searching around online until I found the template you see now. It still needs work, but it's a start.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Did I already take my vitamin? What would happen if I took one now, thinking it was the first one but it was really the second one? Would my pee just be extra Extra Yellow? Or would I go briefly insane from too many miligrams of Molybdenum?

...not that a brief episode of insanity wouldn't be useful.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Stamping of Foot!

So I just logged in to Blogger, and I get this message that they're gonna be pals just this one last time, (cause we go way back and all, with the thing with that guy that one day) but next time I want to blog, I gotta gotta haveta upgrade to New Blogger.

Can you believe this shit? A service I voluntarily use every day is improving against my will, and I have to upgrade!

When I think of how much quality time I've gotten out of Blogger these past few years, all the great people I've met, and all the money I haven't spent on Blogger, I just get so not angry!

Friday, January 26, 2007

I done lost it

Anyone seen my withal?
Where could it be?
I guess I shoulda had it microchipped, like the cat.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Gosh, Neato

My company just went through a merger, and the name is in the process of changing...

Yesterday I received a package from the corporate office with a 5 page hardback book inside describing (in a truly pamphlet style) the history of the company going back to 1876.

But here's the odd part - the book was only there as the backing for a pin with the new company logo. How much did these books cost? A layer of bubble wrap would have done just as well. So wasteful!

Also, who is actually going to wear these pins?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Side By Side

I was clicking the Next Blog button to see what would come up, and the first page I ended up on was a memorial blog for someone's deceased mother.

The next one - and I kid you not - the next blog was a birth announcement for the cutest little baby girl ever.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Colonel Katsup... in the alley... with the cudgel?

How about an urban version of those desk toy zen gardens where you get all into a Crime Scene Investigation, raking up little body parts and other clues and solve a mystery? Aww yeah - no more need to doodle during meetings!

With your subscription to EtchCo's CSI Zen Garden Club - every month, we'll send you a new garden which will reveal fresh clues and possibilities for the case!

Will you be the first kid on your block to email us with the solution?
Operators are standing by!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Therapy? Or career counseling?

My wife is one of the few people I know who actually likes her job - she chose her profession around age 3 I think it was.

I've had 18 jobs up to this point - hey, a few of them only lasted 2 weeks, and I've never been fired - and there's always that voice in my head that goes "Nope! This ain't it." as if to say what I'm doing isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.

Unfortunately, if interrogated for specifics, the voice gets sullen and says "I dunno. What you asking me for?"

When it comes to relationships, I'm fine - why do I have such cold feet committing to a career?

Friday, January 19, 2007

I just thought you should know

I drink a lot of water - but sometimes I want something a little more tasty. Recently I discovered a new flavor of the Crystal Lite drink mix, a lemon and green tea mixture that works perfectly.

- - It's good for work because it's quenching without being too delicious, so I drink just enough to prevent those mid-shift-potty emergencies. This is important because our every moment on the clock is scrutinized. I'm surprised I don't have to swipe my keycard to unlock the urinals.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Just Awful

A friend mentioned how he can't help but notice continuity errors and goofs on the sets of the porn movies he watches.

With all the action in the foreground, how can he notice that phones and computers aren't plugged in, science teachers have misspelled "Proton" or how the 1233AD Aztec Priestess rides into the scene on a horse?

Poor depraved soul.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Great Prophecy, 1st Draft

...which means life will suck big time a time of great tribulation for like, years yea unto nine generations of Shuggoth, until some moron... uh, The Chosen One comes along and gets lucky, killing the demon somehow the true virtues of his heart shall lead the way, at last vanquishing evil from the land...
some of that cool parchment paper
new quill?
blotting sand
new toga
socks and underwear

(ask Helen if she'll write it out - she has great handwriting)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

I dunno.

I had an eye exam today - it was the first time in like 10 years. I've never worn glasses before, but in a few days I'll have my own pair.

...just when I thought I couldn't look any goofier - I mean, I have the least symmetrical face on the planet - and glasses will be just one more thing about me that's askew!


Monday, January 15, 2007

NTS: "Buy Apple"

Sometimes as I'm thinking back over my life, I'll realize good god, that was 15 years ago! Or worse, 25!

Some memories are so vivid that I get a little bit scared - feels as if I think too deeply about the past, I might POP! back to that point, and then I'd be stuck reliving all that stuff.

That's not to say reliving the good times wouldn't be fun, not that there wouldn't be opportunities to be had, but so much of it was boring.

Friday, January 12, 2007

What to babble today?

There are any number of quips, conspiracy theories and invention ideas I could talk about, but most of them would involve the heady chore of adding in hyperlinks or photos, and if you haven't noticed, it's Friday.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Eine kleine Nacht Questionnaire

Question # 37:

It's the deep dark of night - you stub your toe on the coffee table and collapse to the ground in pain.

Who do you blame?

a) Creative deity of choice
b) Destructive deity or mischievous spirit of choice
c) The tree from which the table was made
d) The furniture maker
e) Thomas Edison
f) Amerigo Vespucci
g) Your entire family
h) All of the above
i) Yourself

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Remember me?

Our cat gets fed every 12 hours - at 9:30am and pm. (I don't get home from work until 9:30 at night).

However in the mornings the cat feels compelled to remind me that she exists and is hungry about every 2 minutes - Remember me? Yeah I'm hungry, you know? Maybe a little kibble for kitty? Huh? Huh? You silly human. Feed me!

It's as cute as it is annoying.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

And the Lord Said "Let There Be Grit"

Have you tried orange-flavored drink mixes lately? I like the Crystal Light Orange mini packets you can use to flavor your handy-carry bottle of water... But this very fine powdery stuff always settles out, no matter how well you mix it.

I remember Tang doing the same thing when I was a kid - is there just something about artificial orange flavoring that science simply cannot master?

Monday, January 08, 2007


I love The B-52's! Such fun!

Friday, January 05, 2007

Fun with Time Travel

It would be great to go back in time like 5 years, dressed in ragged clothing - run up to my past self, grab him by the shirt and yell:

"Dude! You need to learn Judo and Spanish, as soon as possible! Your life depends on it!"

Then POOF! I'd disappear back to the future, where I would suddenly know Judo and Spanish. Kick ass!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

What they don't teach

We've been delving into the psychology of customer service at work: inner dialogue, self-talk cycles, perception, projection, and so on.

In the end, there's one inescapable truth - some people are just assholes.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

A lil story I just wrote for some reason


By Mike Kurilko

I broke the last bowl this morning. I held the broken pieces in my hands and waited for something horrible to happen. A cosmic event, straw-and-camels-back scenario. Nothing. No boom of thunder, no bleeding from the ears – just broken ceramic.

It was a blue bowl, chipped in three places around the rim from years of use. Actually it was white ceramic with a dark blue glaze – the white whiteness of the broken edges were surprisingly pure and untouched. Almost impossibly white in fact, since you just assume without thinking about it that six years of Cocoa Puffs and Chef Boyardee Ravioli with Meat and Cheese soaks in somehow, staining the bowl through and through surely as it has stained my spleen.

It had broken neatly around the IKEA – Sweden logo, as if Swedish ceramic warranty enforcement ninja had tiptoed in and perforated the bowl just so, just so when I plucked it out of the dishwasher, it came apart in my hand in such a way to demonstrate beyond any legal doubt that it was wholly my fault.

The tale of the bowl is one of those stories that might make women want to hug me and pat my head and perhaps even take me to bed. I don’t know for sure because I don’t really talk to women any more. To make it short and sweet, I lost my wife, my house, and my dog, and about 40% of my skin in the fire. I was in the hospital for months, and when I finally got out, everything was gone – either destroyed by the fire and water, stolen by looting bastards, or destroyed when the house was bulldozed after the bank sold the land. Sexy, yes?

This was my wife’s favorite bowl, she loved the color, we’d bought a stack of bowls from IKEA before we even got engaged – two of each color, but the first blue one broke on the way home. So there was only one blue bowl, and that became Carolyn’s favorite (she had a weakness for the outcast-underdog in any situation). When I got out of the hospital, the only thing that my brother had been able to save had been that bowl. He could have done worse, he might have done better. I think it was an accident on his part – he had no idea.

I held the pieces in my hand and tried to fit them back together, wishing I had heat vision – lasers would shoot out of my eyes and zap! the bowl would be good as new. Carolyn ate out of this bowl every day for years. She washed it by hand and put it upside down in her private cupboard nook where she kept her coffees and teas.

I was holding the broken pieces in my hand and I suddenly wondered if I should eat them. Yeah. I could use some kind of tool to break it into little round discs, so it wouldn’t cut up my insides. Or crush it all into powder and scatter it like ashes. Wince – ashes.

Was it sad and freaky to want to keep the pieces? Maybe I could make it into a mosaic or whatever. Or I could glue it together and turn it into a planter. Grow some pet grass or something. Yeah. Pet grass. I’ll hit PetSmart on the way home from work.


Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Hey, Cake!

I finally got around to watching Clerks 2. I prefer the original, but that's just an opinion.

Part of me wondered: "How long will Kevin Smith just keep making the same movie?"

And then another voice said: "Why not ask why Agatha Christie never wrote any sci-fi? Damn, Agatha - another mystery?"


Monday, January 01, 2007

New Year's Resolution