I think it's just a matter of time before clean air is being pumped into our houses, at a fee of course. Will we have airlocks? It'll mean a whole new thing for parents to yell at their kids about - "Do you think air grows on trees?..Close the damn airlock!"
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
I built her a toy to chase, made of a short length of plastic pipe, a strand of dental floss, and a toy mouse. She loves it! Far more than any store-bought toy. Probably cause it smells like me. Yep.
As she pounces on the mouse, she doesn't try to hurt it - instead she pins it down with a paw and attacks the string - she's that smart. She's not wasting time or attention, she's going for the source.
It's easy to get in a rut. We go about our daily routine, and there are changes we want to make, but somehow we never get around to making them - rarely the important ones.
Often this is because we focus on the wrong problems or distracted by the day-to-day BS while our biggest issues go unresolved.
Attack the string.
Friday, August 25, 2006
One of the my favorite segments on Tech TV was "Don't Buy This", where they featured a particularly crappy gadget, and described all the reasons not to buy it. Beyond the insight on that specific product, you gleaned ideas to judge future products you might buy.
In that same spirit, I give you Southern Tsunami Miso Soup.
Don't Buy This. Oh my dear lord, do not buy this. The smell alone compelled me to pour it in the sink, untasted.
Granted, it's my own fault for buying Just Add Water Miso Soup. It's also not encouraging that it is made in Chicago, IL. Not that Chicagoans can't make quality products, but a traditional Japanese soup is not one of them. This is the same law of nature which insists that quality picante sauce cannot be made in New York City.
For any of you that have not known the pleasures of Miso Soup, I suggest you get your ass to the nearest Japanese restaurant and order a few gallons. It's truly wonderful. I'd describe the flavor, but it would take far too long. It's delicious, sublime, and soothes the soul.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
"It went fine. She's a happy healthy kitty."
"Cool. She behaved for you?"
"Well, she pretended not to know me, but yeah."
"Soon she'll be asking us to drop her off a block away so we won't embarrass her."
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Well first of all, it's a Woodchuck, so I must assume that it could or rather can chuck wood. The "if" phrasing makes one wonder if there is something impeding the woodchuck. Is it ill or infirm? Depressed? Recovering from pine-nut addiction? Since its health and vitality are not detailed, we must assume it is a healthy middle-aged woodchuck.
What the hell is a woodchuck, anyway? It's a groundhog, part of the squirrely family.
The question seems incomplete. What variety of wood? What's the elevation? Time of year? Is it a male or female woodchuck? How much time is allotted? What is the average chucking speed? What time does the fucking train leave Philadelphia?
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
As people transition back into their internal focus, they often make a sound - usually the same one every time. It could be an 'ahem', a 'sniff', or many other noises.
What sound do you make when shifting mental gears?
Monday, August 21, 2006
Friday, August 18, 2006
I landed on a channel where real-life family members were gathered together, crying and hugging and relating old stories about Billy Joe, and how great he was before all the Math.
His mom speaks up, tears streaming down her face. "Before the Math, Billy was in college. He had a 3.5 GPA and a management job at the sporting goods store."
Billy's father swallows hard. He's crying too. "I don't know my boy any more. It's the math. It's the damned math."
What the hell? I wondered, finally starting to listen. Did Billy Joe get sucked into the dark underworld of Quantum Physics, scribbling equations on the blackboard day and night? Is he trying to solve the Unified Field Theory? WTF?
Now Billy's sister is blubbering about how Billy stole her bike to pay for Math. I jabbed the button on the remote control, to check the title of the show - - -
METH: Family Intervention.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
ATC might be the thing for me! ..It's just like a video game - how hard could it be?
Just don't let any of those little dots touch one another.
Oops - I just looked it up, and you have to be 31 years old or younger to become a new ATC. Since I'll be 35 next month, never mind. Hmph.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
In the same vein, here's a picture of a cat in a windowsill that I made from scratch with crayons and glitterglue.
Is it just me, or does the pic of the girl seem fake? As in, a photograph of a real person, not art generated from scratch. Not that people aren't capable of such amazing feats of talent and skill, but...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
I have to wonder, though - if the test takes even 1 minute, isn't that 1 minute that could be better spent performing CPR? That's 1 more minute my brain is going without oxygen.
All of the organs suffer when your heart stops, but we hear the most about brain damage. I don't know about the other organs, but there should be something we can do about the brain.
How about - if you have a known heart condition, they install a teeny battery operated pump to circulate and oxygenate the blood just in your head? If the sensor detects that your heart has stopped, the pump would go to work. It might help give you another few minutes.
Keep those batteries charged.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
1) Any minute now, a chilling story out of Amsterdam - MP3 players are proven to cause tongue cancer. It's not true, but that doesn't mean I don't expect to hear it.
3) Where would I get an engraving machine? And who would teach me to use it? And how am I to afford the raw silver? What if I'm allergic?
PS: For those of you who remember Snippets of Random Chaos with fondness- I've posted a slew of new stolen fragments. The rest of you can put your head down on your desks for a bit of quiet time.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Often, we have mementos of the relationship - ticket stubs, love letters, and photos. Some people like to burn all this memorabilia, but this is not the best way to heal. Oh no.
Instead of packing away all those old photos in a box, never to be seen again - display your detested person for all to see. With personalized Sparkling Negativity Frames from MikeCo!
Did a lover screw you over? Did a friend tell your most precious secret? Did Bridget kiss Bobby when she knew he was yours all yours?
Sparkling Negativity Frames are the answer! Operators are standing by!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
(In the same sad way Cliff Clavin was an expert on everything)
However, a lot of the science that's being touted as WOW! breakthroughs these days strikes me as either shrug-worthy or deserving of rolling eyes.
Such as this one: Moon's odd bulge finally explained.
Since the Moon was once new, its orbit was still a bit wonky. Since it was molten, it deformed as it rotated and cooled, and so is not sphere-shaped, but wider around the middle (from eating all that moon cheese?)
Obviously we have to do the actual testing to confirm what we believe are the reasons for certain formations - the scientific method is extremely important - but really, wasn't this reasoning pretty damned intuitive? Why did it take until 2006 for someone to confirm this?
Not long ago, I read another article where a scientist was describing the confusion with why the Moon's maria (giant floodplains of lava - the large dark areas we can see from Earth) exist only on the Earth side, and not on the far side.
Maybe I've oversimplifying things, but it occurs to me that maybe, just maybe it's because of the Earth's gravity? Hmmmm? If the moon can have such an effect on the Earth's tides, imagine the effect of Earth on Moon lava.
But I don't know anything - I'm just a Clavinist.
Monday, August 07, 2006
If it was perfectly acceptable to wear clothing from any time period, movie, TV show and etc - what would you be wearing?
I'd probably end up wearing the standard 't-shirt and jeans' ensemble on most days, just for comfort. If I had to attend a formal occasion, perhaps the late 1700's gentleman thing - the whole wig-and long coat look. (Though I don't know about the tights...) the Musketeer garb is pretty snazzy too.
What kind of nerd would I be if I didn't admit that the Star Trek uniforms are pretty cool - I'm thinking the latter years of The Next Generation.
If everyone dressed any way they wanted, what would you be wearing?
Friday, August 04, 2006
So it's no surprise that as we watched the new BBC program Hustle (airing on AMC, rather than BBC America for some reason...) we said "Who's that girl?".
We meant Jaime Murray - an actress with an interesting look and more than a little sex appeal. So we looked her up: "Daughter of Bill Murray, currently lives in Essex..."
Just then there was a huge clap of thunder right over our heads, and pebble-sized hail began pelting the windows. We did the prudent thing - unplugged all our electronics and waited.
"She's Bill Murray's daughter."
After the storm, we forgot about researching Jaime further. But it haunted me. Bill Murray? Bill Murray of Stripes, Ghostbusters, and Lost In Translation? Jaime's dad? It didn't feel right.
In the car - "How could Jaime be Bill Murray's daughter? How?"
In line at the grocery store - "Bill Murray's daughter? No. Did they have paternity tests in the 70's? I'll bet her mother lied. God! All these years, Bill Murray has dutifully been sending those child-support checks to Britain, and for what? She couldn't possibly be his daughter."
Bill needed to know. I would send Bill a letter. But first I needed to do some more research. I didn't want to come off like a wacko. I needed proof. Maybe even a sample of her DNA. First, let's double-check the IMDB listing, shall we...
"Jaime Murray is daughter of Billy Murray, who is best known for his role in EastEnders."
I felt a mix of "HA! I was right!" and "Boy do I feel stupid.", which is a pretty typical state of mind for me. I'm just relieved for Bill Murray. I was worried about him.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
What's that you say? It's already been done 500 times? Oh. Oh I see.
Well then, I'll just leave this list of hare-brained schemes as a recap of the ideas I've had over the past year. The oldest are listed first.
They are NOT episode ideas. Nope.
Bandolier of Manly Showering Supplies
Softer-Touch Keyboard and Mouse
‘Go Assist’ Bike Gizmo
Ice Climbing With the Stars
Complete Digestive Bypass
Infra-Red Microwave Display
Behavior Modification Dog
The Bathroom Bastard
How am I driving?
The Man Shade
Always Frozen sticker
Great Illustrated Classics Prints