Monday, June 29, 2009
All it would take is a pickup truck, a chain saw and a wood-chipper and you've got yourself a tree poaching business.
If your team dressed like normal road work crews with safety gear and fluorescent vests, no one would suspect a thing. You could sell firewood and discount mulch to all the mom & pop hardware stores.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
As is likely obvious from the clunky, amateur design, I made this new template from scratch - using the book "HTML, XHTML, and CSS for Dummies". It was a fun and frustrating process that took months of work, with moments stolen here and there. I just now pasted the template code into the 'W3C Markup Validation Service' and it spit out 292 errors and 46 warnings, so apparently I still have some work to do cleaning up the code.
For the most part, it seems to work correctly - for Internet Explorer. My PC had three different browsers installed and a variety of screen resolutions to choose from - but my PC died recently.
I've been using Cindy's PC for a few months now, and all I have to work with is IE in 1024 x 768 -- and Safari on my iPhone. It looks decent on both of these, though I'm sure I'll be doing some tweaking for the next few weeks. Let me know if there's anything especially wacky happening with the blog from your point of view.
Looking at the 'Etcher Approves' links at the left, it looks as if all I do is watch TV... I need to add music and books as well.
I'm hoping the new template will get me back into blogging more often. We'll see.
Friday, June 26, 2009
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Just read your latest tweet - it's funny!
Says here it was posted an hour ago - weren't you on the freeway then?
Um... I was. That's weird, maybe it was pre-cache server delay in the upload buffer.
Uh-huh - it took a wrong turn at Albequerque. Were you typing at 70 miles an hour?
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
(Long pause, frustrated breathing)
Hello? This is Brian with Gorpson Gun Company. Are you there?
Brian, It's me, Jerry. I've called every day for three weeks. I'm on my lunch break here and I only have a few minutes. I don't have my fucking account number, ok?
Oh, that's not a problem sir. Is your question with a firearm?
Yeah, my stupid piece of shit rifle.
Rifle, yes sir. If you'll look on the base of the stock, you should see a plate with the serial number.
(Sigh, pause) Do you really need the number? It's the same number it was yesterday. It's too dark in here to read.
Sir, I'm afraid we do require the serial. I have to be sure which firearm we're discussing, so that I can be sure to provide accurate, safe steps.
(Mumbled cussing, fumbling noises) 1454741485KG237. Okay? Happy?
Yes sir. That is a Model 542 KRT Rimfire. Is the firearm registered in your name, sir?
Sir, may I have your last name, and the last four digits of your social security number?
Fucking... Jones. 2887.
Thank you Mr. Jones. How may I assist you today?
I can't get the piece of shit thing put back together right.
I see, Mr. Jones. One option would be to go online to www.gorpson. com \firearms\ 542r\support \diagrams \buynow and purchase an instructional chart or DVD.
I don't have a fucking computer.
I see, Mr. Jones. Another option would be to use your smart phone to go online to www.gorpson. com\firearms...
Shut the fuck up. I don't have a stupid smartphone, ok? Just walk me through the steps.
That would be difficult, sir. I would suggest you visit in person one of our two thousand neighborhood locations, where a licensed on-site tech...
How much does that cost?
It depends on whether or not you have all of the 83 different pieces, if they are in good repair, require cleaning, replacement, or...
Just walk me through the steps, ok? It's probably something simple.
...I'll try sir. What exactly is the problem?
Well I'm a little closer but now the firing pin won't fit. I'm trying everything. It just won't go in.
(Typing) Hmm, the firing pin for the 542R is made of titanium and should have the code HG2562 stamped into the metal.
Yeah, ok HG2562, uh huh.
(Typing) It seems for firing pin installation, the receiver plate and striking assembly must be installed in the chamber assembly loosely - that is, without the safety hardware tightened down.
OH! Shit, that might be it.
Yes Mr. Jones. If the safety isn't a bit loose at this stage of assembly, the firing pin won't lock into position.
OW! Damn it. No, it still won't go in.
Well sir, according to the diagram, the firing pin must be inserted with the AG28B installation caliper.
The firing pin must be inserted with the -
I need to buy a tool from you assholes before I can put my gun back together? You know, it's people like you are why I'm going to fucking kill myself. BANG and it's all over!
Sir, we always do our best to assist our customers. We have many options available - would you like to special order the caliper, or pick it up at one of our two thousand neighborhood locations?
You cocksucking sheep fucker! If I ever find you, I'm gonna break your neck! (CLICK)
(Speaking to dial tone) Talk to you tomorrow, Jerry.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Monday, June 01, 2009
I've worked at many different jobs. I've worked for the Coast Guard as a civilian in Ohio and California. I've worked at the Grand Canyon as a switchboard operator, as a video game tester for companies like Universal, Crave, Hopelab, and Realtime. At last count, I've had something like eighteen different jobs. So far, software testing suits me best - no customers to deal with.
I'm married to a great gal, Michelle - her great blogs can be found here and here.
While I'm on the topic of Michelles - my sister (also named Michelle) has her own blog here.
I like TV that doesn't take itself too seriously - 'Pushing Daisies' is a good example, and TV that's a guilty pleasure, like 'Wipeout'. A good 70% of my television watching consists of documentaries on Discovery, History, and Science channels.
I read everything I can get my hands on, from Harry Potter to Jared Diamond and everything in between. At the time of this writing, I'm reading a book on the history of the telegraph.
I've written a few NaNoWriMo novels, a slew of short stories, but I've only taken the time to sell one of them so far.
Music - I love Melody Gardot and can't get enough of her. I'm also digging on Jenny Lewis and The Weepies at this moment.
Why 'Etch A Sketch Attention Span' for the name of the blog? I liked the sense of changeability and what it suggested, something like to 'Short Attention Span Theater'.
Here's a link to the Blogger profile.