Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I'm a Weak Willed Mentalist MASTER

Have you ever encountered this?

You don't believe something in the slightest, but decide to play devil's advocate and convince someone else.

You convince them!

...and you manage to halfways convince yourself too. Weird.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Gave up lint for fuzz

Hey, I've gone a full month without caffeine! (Not as impressive as Monsieur Lizard, but I'm proud) This is a huge deal for me - a few years ago, when I gave up my 4 cokes a day for lent and then gave up lent for lint, I started taking caffeine pills instead.

For years, my job involved sitting still and staring at a computer screen for hours on end - caffeine was the only way to stay awake.

Lately I'd been edgy, moody and depressed, and I kept wondering how much of it was the caffeine. Finally I decided to find out by quitting cold turkey. Quit all pills, actually. No more sinus pills, no more pain pills. Just my daily multivitamin.

Results - no longer edgy. The rest of the symptoms are hanging on. Maybe I need to eliminate something else. One thing at a time, until I discover a perfect balance. Mebbe I should cut down on the heroin?

Well, I haven't had a physical in about 18 years. (it was during my last year in high school - God, I'm old). Maybe getting one would help too.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Just out of greed, even

It's weird to me that the Dursleys never warmed up to Harry, even if just for self-serving reasons. All manner of magical stuff goes down before their very eyes, and still they treat the boy like shit.

If not from fear, then why not greed? "Hey boy, is there a way we can make money with this magic stuff of yours? Yes, we know you can't do magic at home, but what about at school? We'll owl you broken antiques while you're there, and you'll do your Reparo thing, yes? Earn your keep, and perhaps a little respect boy, eh what?"

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Too easily contented

Why is it, when I have a good book to read, my bills are paid and my belly full, all other ambition seems to melt away?

I mean, how will I do anything Wikipedia-worthy at this rate?

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Welcome Home!

Recently we had to leave the cat overnight at the kitty dental surgeon, as she had two cracked teeth that needed extracting.

It was so weird to come home and not have her here, not have her greet us as the door with an inquisitive "pbpbbb?" The place seemed too empty.

I came to realize just how often I think about the cat - every time I go to get up from my desk chair, open or close a door, or dash through the house to get the phone - I'm constantly refreshing my Cat Status data. And if an hour goes by and she hasn't come to check on me, I go and check on her, and give her a little chin-scratch.

Even in bed - Cindy's toes are constantly in motion, dancing to to some rhythm of nervous energy, and it gets them pounced on by the cat - often at 3am. Cindy is off today and sleeping late, and when I went in to snuggle briefly, she stretched, her toes popping out from under the covers.

"Where's the cat?" She asked.
"On the dresser, she's sleeping."

She came home with a little patch of the fur on her right front leg shaved (for the IV) and needed pain reliever (liquid) administered once a day for three days, and antibiotics (teeny pill) twice a day for a week. Cindy was able to get the cat to open right up for her pill, and all I got was hissing and some mournful meowing. It's been a few weeks, and she's all better now!

Welcome home kitty, we missed you!

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

There's no winning

I don't make friends easily... it's my own fault. I'm a homebody, and pretty much keep to myself at work. I'm pretty shy until I get to know someone, and then it's hard to shut me up. Once I make a friend, it's all good - I'm the kind of pal who helps you move and picks you up from the airport.

I was thinking recently how I missed my friends in Los Angeles, and how it would be nice to play video games with (NO to online gaming, too many assholes), chat about tech, have someone to go to movies like The Transformers with - Cindy has no interest in such things.

Hey, I could find out if there were any local movie watching clubs!


Yeah, but they would want to see movies I had no interest in, or on days and times when it was inconvenient, and some annoying loudmouthed guy named Brad or Chad or Wad would always need a ride, but he'd be one of those people who never showers, so he would get my car all funkdified. And with my luck, he'd live in the same apt complex as me, so I'd be stuck taking him to every show, and he'd start showing up at my apartment unannounced to hang out all the time.

Shit, I can go see The Transformers by myself, and save myself a lot of grief.

Sad, no? For surely I would have such a great time with Susan, Frank, Joe, and Rodney that dealing with Wad would be worth it. Plus, I could always explain to him the need to shower daily, and how to call before dropping by. I'm very non-confrontational though, so I'd probably bottle up my frustration for a few months, and then scream at poor Wad. Then I'd feel guilty.

"You stinky fuck! Go HOME!"
Meh. Not worth it... or is it? Nah.

Also, all these companies keep sending me 'sign up a friend and get $$$'. I know there's a 'do not call' list, I wonder if there's a 'got no friends' list? Then they could spent their marketing dollars on folks that can participate.

Bah, that would just put me on the 'Meeting people in your area! Wow!' lists.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Maybe not squeaky clean, per se

How picky are you when it comes to clean dishes?

Let's say you use a sharp knife to cut your bagel in half - do you consider the knife dirty after cutting? Me, I put the knife back in the drawer.

Or you use the meat scissors to cut a vent hole in the frozen corn - dirty? No no, back in the drawer it goes.

How about if you microwave a giant pretzel? You put it on a plate, but the pretzel is wrapped in a paper towel, so all that is gonna get on the plate is a bit of steam. Steam is clean, m'friends!

Or you boil some water for your instant oatmeal - all that touched the pan was boiling water, and that's right up there with steam when it comes to cleanliness.

You'd think everyone would agree with this irrefutable logic, but no!

Friday, July 20, 2007


Just 55 minutes until I'll be reading the new Harry Potter!


We're buying two copies, and the phones will be turned off all day Saturday, thank you.

Remind me some time

I can't go into specifics right now, but remind me later to explain how a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser saved my life.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Mister Paulius has a podcast, for those of you who didn't know.

It's a fun podcast! I was in the car yesterday, listening to the latest installment, and it was really surreal, this guy I kinda know but don't, his voice was coming out of of my car speakers, like he was on the radio or something.

Also, he's working on a Web Comic! How cool is that?


Update! An unnamed source inside PauliusCo has informed me that the web comic has been delayed due to issues with the Kazakhstanian art studio. We will continue to live vicariously through the creative deeds of others as long as necessary. Good thing I brought a book.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


You know how it is - you explain the concept of a Space Elevator to your good lady wife, and she waves you off like you're short of the runway.

But if Neil deGrasse Tyson explains it, suddenly it makes complete sense.


Tuesday, July 17, 2007


I've come up with a new taunt. It's really fun to say, but I don't know where it came from, or exactly what means... It's helpfully vague, yet seems threatening without commiting to anything:

(using your most threatening tone)

I will climb you like a tree!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Spot the fake # 3

The names for law firms leave much to be desired. I think it might be time to drop the 'Yorkshire, Washington, Witwackleston, and Prattfordson' style of naming, and go to something with more zing - like VICTORY, INC!

Can you tell which of these Florida law firms are fake?

Barbarette & Quirk
Rush & Glassman
Episcopo Joe
Hertz Darby
Moses & Rooth
Lippman Horween & Gross
Kirkconnell Lindsey Snure & Yates
Blankner & Jaeger
Paul Courtright
Flood Ringers Morgan & Lawton
Taracks & Wetter
Cheeseman & Phillips
Hoyer Newcomer Smiljanch
Black White & Redallover

Friday, July 13, 2007

Real Life Conversation # 23

Well, have a good day, drive safely.


Do I smell good? You like?

Sniff! Sniff! Yes you do, Yes I do.

It's new stuff. I like it!

Hmm, you don't even wear deodorant on your days off with me.

Hey, you're the one who read me that article on the virtues of detoxing.

I guess. How come everyone at work gets to enjoy the Sweetly-Scented-You?

I save my raw pheromones for you, sweetie. The world's not ready.

Thursday, July 12, 2007


Getting good news should make you happy, right? Not give you arrhythmia and stomach pains?

Also, I can't spell arrhythmia, how sad is that?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

A hookup? For ME?

Did I mention that my '91 Escort finally gave out?

Have I already babbled about this? It's easy to forget who you told what. It's why I always tell the truth, because it's too much work keeping track of lies.

Well, the car was about to give out - when the mechanic broke the news that it needed its transmission rebuilt ($2500) it was a huge blow to its morale.

Cindy happened to mention my car issues while she was at work. Someone at her work who knew someone who knows someone took a few steps, Cindy cashed out a chunk of her work stock for the down payment and POOF!! I have a new car.

Not just a new-for-me-but-in-fact-quite-savagely-used, but NEW. This is the first time I've ever had a new car.

It was the most painless car-buying experience ever, no pressure, no haggling, just a damn good car at a damn good deal.

It boggles the mind. It's all thanks to Cindy! Yay!


By popular demand, a photo:
Chevy Cobalt

Monday, July 09, 2007


Do devoutly religious folks have a more devil may care (ha!) attitude about life?

Especially those folks with a nifty afterlife package (Valhalla please, and step on it) and the faiths all about reincarnation.

I ask because I was nearly run down (twice) by a speed demon in a Volvo which was covered by JESUS LIVES stickers.

Friday, July 06, 2007

You owe me one

Go! Get some! Thank me later!

(You might need some chicken, too! And an egg.)

Thursday, July 05, 2007

My knee is acting up, musbe gonna rain

It's not a sign of increasing age, is it? When I hear a new musical group, I automatically compare them to someone else.

Who is this? oh, Universal Honey - sounds like Chrissie Hynde of The Pretenders.

Lana Lane, huh, sounds like Ann Wilson of Heart.

Who was that? Hmn, Yeah Yeah Yeahs - sounds a bit like Siouxsie and the Banshees...

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

How do you scoop?

In our household, we have two different ways of scooping ice cream -

I'm a deep pit miner, going all the way to the bottom of the carton (where the goodies often lurk).

Cindy is a strip miner, scooping shallowly from the surface, keeping everything uniform.

How do you guys do it?

Monday, July 02, 2007

How online security...

...can lead to marriage counseling.
So there we were, I was sitting at the keyboard and she was lovingly chinning my shoulder.

I was trying to access a dark and forbidding nook of the Bank of America website, when apparently I blundered into a tripwire:

We're sorry, but since this is the first time you're visiting this section, we'll need you to answer a security question, one of 100 answered by you 5 years ago or more:

*Who is your first and only true love?*

(She nuzzles my neck at this, and waits as I blink at the cursor...)


I confidently type the name "Cindy" and click submit.

Welcome to the deep recesses of the Bank of America website! How can we help you?

I start breathing again.

"Damn right." my first and only true love gently whispers in my ear.