Monday, March 31, 2008

That'll Learn Ya!

While my sweetie was at work, I decided to sneak into the fridge and fry up a few strips of bacon that were officially reserved for our Sunday Morning Breakfast Together as a Couple.

I burned it - within seconds of being introduced to the pan, it was charred and black and inedible. Oh, and I set off the fire alarm too.

I have learned my lesson. :::head bowed in shame:::

Friday, March 28, 2008

Who, me?

I would never edit the past, posting in March to catch up on days I'd missed, making the rest of you look like slack-jawed yahoo's who can't be trusted to post regularly.


Thursday, March 27, 2008

Maybe it's just me...

Am I wrong?
Is 36 years old too young to be taking this many pills with breakfast?
Makes me worry how many I'll be taking at 60.

If you can correctly identify each pill, you get 10 points.
If you can tell me what that dark spot on my palm is, you get 1000 points.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Weird (Linky Linky Link Link)

I was looking something up about Blade Runner, and I was reminded of Sean Young (rawr), and remembered how she once had talked about how she hated the love scenes she had to do with Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman and then I looked up An Officer and a Gentleman on IMDB, and discovered that Sean Young was not in An Officer and a Gentleman - instead, it was Debra Winger I was thinking of, and the really weird thing is during this research, it was revealed that both actresses attended high school in Cleveland Heights, Ohio - now what are the odds that I would confuse two actresses that have such an odd connection?

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Amateur Etymologismesque(ish)

Etymology is the study of word origins... 'Etymology' has a Greek basis, meaning true reason. One of the web sites I visit has a word of the day thingy, and today's word was:

Afflatus - a divine imparting of knowledge; inspiration.

This is suspiciously similar to another stuffy word...

Flatus - a fart, or toot. Also known as a butt quack.

I don't claim to know what this means, I'm just an amateur. But if I had to guess, I would say that tooting is a form of expression, maybe even divine. Don't hold back during those inter-departmental meetings. Share the wisdom, as it were.

Monday, March 24, 2008

But I play one on TV

We all think we're experts in everything, thanks to TV - if someone at work mentions a medical symptom, I dive right into a differential diagnosis. If something is lost or stolen, I turn into an impromptu CSI team. It's sad, really.

In some ways we're more savvy because of TV, in other ways, more deluded.

I bring this up because Cindy's car was keyed recently - we don't know if it happened while the car was at home or at work. Since she's a manager where she works, she wonders if she pissed someone off. Who knows? But I took a look at the key-scratch, and it goes like this:

I automatically decided (in my great wisdom) that it looked like an idle keying, not a "F*ck you bitch I hate you!" keying. This is the keyed/scratched pattern on her car, displayed here in yellow to best stand out:

Looks like an idle incident of vandalism, no? So it's not just me? Looks like a jerkoff teenager was wandering the parking lot with his key, and doo-dee-doo, let's scratch some cars at random. As a control, I have created several other possible scenarios - I think Car Keying/Scratching Vandalism Interpretation is a career I might go into - it's pretty cut and dry.

(Mouse over each pic for my interpretation)


Friday, March 21, 2008

Uh huh. Sure fellah.

If companies were really interested in being green, how about shirts that don't need to be dry cleaned, washed, rinsed, softened, pressed, ironed, starched, and otherwised fussed with? Wash and hang dry, without looking like this.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

'The check is in the mail' kind of thing

When you're in the midst of an IM session with someone, you know when they're typing - there's a little info field that says "Rabbi Krustofski is typing".


It would be a neat feature of email programs too - every morning, my sister and I email one another, and sometimes I'm running late or I miss a day. It would be cool if while I was typing my email, if my goodly sister were to check her email, instead of just the glaring 'NO ONE LOVES YOU' of a no new mail screen, it would say "Mike is writing an email to you right now!"

The way this would work: as soon as I entered her name in the To field, a little mini communique would be sent to her email address (actually an email, but short in the way only binary can be, and automatically sent when I begin typing the email).

If I canceled the email or saved it for later, the message on her screen would clear or update, as the applicable. Now, some people would not approve of this feature - so it would be a setting you could toggle, or enable for specific people only.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Good Griefenzie

Speaking of R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

We passed by a church yesterday, and they had one of those re-arrangeable-letter-signs. They had spelled 'Respect' as 'Recpect'. Good Lord, do these people not listen to music? Who the hell doesn't know Aretha?

I remember when I was a wee grasshopper in knee-pants: "Don't worry, Mikie. If you're lost and you don't know how to spell 'respect', just think of Aretha, and the letters will come." (Sniffle!)

Which leads me to believe that the letter-hanger was a racist, who avoids anything resembling the Rhythm and Blues genre. TSK, sir or ma'am. TSK.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Etcher's Law #31

Grudging respect is the best kind.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Make it so

"Abigail," she called out from the study - "Go to the wardrobe. Today I shall wear the apple-bottom jeans. With the fur."

Friday, March 14, 2008

Disappointment #3

"Hey man, want to hang tonight?"

"Can't. Getting my iPhone activated tonight."

"Ha, no really."

"No. Really."

(Tone = Disappointment #3*) "Dude."
(Tone = F@$# Yeah!) "Dude!"
(Tone = Aw Yeah Baby) "Dude."

"So, no hanging tonight? Seriously? So you can play with a phone?"

"Dude, this is the geek equivalent of the honeymoon night. You're not gonna see me till Tuesday."
Disappointment #3 - also known as Congratulations for Wonderfully Wrong - When you've just had spectacular, adulterous sex with the hottest girl in the state, (aka your sister-in-law) on the night before she divorces her husband (a priest) to join a convent.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Did I mention we're getting married in Las Vegas on April 30, 2009 - exactly 8 years to the day after we were engaged. How romantic is that?

No really, how romantic is it? I have no idea.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Uh Oh.

Wow, the girls in that commercial are really cute.

Uh, you realize, those girls are probably 17 years old.
And you're damn near 40, you disgusting old man.
You could be their father.

Sigh. You're right. So, what then? No more fantasy life?

Heh. I didn't say that.
It's just time for some perspective -
The fantasies might just have to become a little more...diabolical.

I'm afraid to ask.

Just imagine you're rich. Then it's socially acceptable.

Fine, what's one more lie? How old are we, anyway? 36?

Yup. You're the same age as Ewan MacGregor.

Ooh! And can I pretend I can sing, too?

Whatever gets us off, my friend. Sanity comes at a high price.

Monday, March 10, 2008

There's Kato in my Spam!

Our work email filter is very lax, since many of our customers email us with support questions, and they use everything from hotmail to corporate email accounts. Thus, we get lots of junk emails. Even places I've worked with very stringent filters will let some spam through.

But we're not allowed to surf the web at work, even on breaks!

So how about this? Create an RSS function that forwards your favorite content to you at work... AS SPAM! The little spammer module would plug in strings of spammy BS in all caps, and you'd just learn to skip those sections and read what you were interested in.

The email's Subject line:

If you've been under a rock for the past year or so you may not have known that we were embroiled in a fierce format war. GIANT PLEASEURE STICK ALL YOURS MANY BLESSINGS UPON YOUR MARRIAGE BED The generals of each camp, Sony and Toshiba, each set loose on the high definition battlefield their own hand-picked champions: Blu-Ray and the more aptly named HD DVD, respectively.


Technologically they were quite similar, with differences between them lying mostly in total storage capacity and interface implementation. What was important was that they were both formats for storing High Definition video content...

Ah, this probably exists already. If not, I demand half of all profits please. Thanks.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Real Life Conversation #36

Guess I'll renew my subscription - plus, a girl at work wants to read them.

Make sure to cut your name off the cover - never know where it will end up.

Hmn, I could do that, sure. Er...


When she beats a hooker to death with it and the cops show up with a bloody copy of Wired in a two quart freezer bag, I'll just make sure to have a solid alibis.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Misheard, Just Wrong

"He's so old, he doesn't even beat his wife anymore."

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Headline Double Take

Patrick Stewart Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer

(Classic cartoon double-take occurs)
Eyes refocus to reveal:

Patrick Swayze Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer

whew! close one.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

It might be a quantum physics thingy

How does poo smell?

I mean, I know WHY poo smells, I've read the scientific literature. (And it's brown because bile is a purplish color, did you know that?)

Let's say you'd poo'd and there is poo in the pot - it's completely submerged, nothing sticking up above the water.

Now, smells are actually just tiny particles of the item (so when you smell food, you're actually sniffing up teeny airborne food particles - it's the same with all smells).

With the submerged poo, the particles in the air should disperse quickly, but they do not. If you should somehow forget to flush and come back later on, the room still smells of poo. But the particles should have dispersed, and without bubbles or particle action of some sort, there shold be no smell. Mebbe there are microbubbles that I can't see?

Monday, March 03, 2008

Home Movies of my cat. Yep.

We have a DVR. It has lots of room. You wouldn't believe how fast it fills up (unless you have one too).

There are many things that Cindy records on the DVR that never come out on DVD (like Prancing Wit Da Stars, or So You Tink Ya Kin Prance, or Prance Wars... you might be seeing a trend here) so these things must be saved for posterity. Just a single backup copy for home use in case California falls into the ocean, you understand.

We had a basic, no-frills DVD burner (a Panasonic DMR-ES15) that would allow us to create this one single backup copy for home use with no worries. Well, it died recently, and I went to Best Buy and picked up a snazzy new Sony DVD burner, oh so nice. The stylish, polished aluminum case! The gorgeous on-screen interface!

The copy protection!

That's right, my new DVD Burner would not allow me to record from TV. Or would it? I tested it, recording a number of different channels and programs. I couldn't record So Ya Tink Ya Kin Prance, but it would allow me to record Two and a Half Men. I couldn't record The Parkers, but I could record Futurama. What the hoo haa? I'd much rather record Futurama than any of the other crap.

So I returned the Sony DVD Burner, (Gosh, it won't let me record my home movies!) ordered another Panasonic DMR-ES15 from Amazon. Yay, now we're safe in case California falls into the ocean. I wonder if there is a web site somewhere that lists DVD burners without copy protection?