Thank you for calling Gorpson Gun Company Customer Care, serving all your handgun and rifle needs, this is Brian. May I have your account number please?
(Long pause, frustrated breathing)
Hello? This is Brian with Gorpson Gun Company. Are you there?
Brian, It's me, Jerry. I've called every day for three weeks. I'm on my lunch break here and I only have a few minutes. I don't have my fucking account number, ok?
Oh, that's not a problem sir. Is your question with a firearm?
Yeah, my stupid piece of shit rifle.
Rifle, yes sir. If you'll look on the base of the stock, you should see a plate with the serial number.
(Sigh, pause) Do you really need the number? It's the same number it was yesterday. It's too dark in here to read.
Sir, I'm afraid we do require the serial. I have to be sure which firearm we're discussing, so that I can be sure to provide accurate, safe steps.
(Mumbled cussing, fumbling noises) 1454741485KG237. Okay? Happy?
Yes sir. That is a Model 542 KRT Rimfire. Is the firearm registered in your name, sir?
Yeah.
Sir, may I have your last name, and the last four digits of your social security number?
Fucking... Jones. 2887.
Thank you Mr. Jones. How may I assist you today?
I can't get the piece of shit thing put back together right.
I see, Mr. Jones. One option would be to go online to www.gorpson. com \firearms\ 542r\support \diagrams \buynow and purchase an instructional chart or DVD.
I don't have a fucking computer.
I see, Mr. Jones. Another option would be to use your smart phone to go online to www.gorpson. com\firearms...
Shut the fuck up. I don't have a stupid smartphone, ok? Just walk me through the steps.
That would be difficult, sir. I would suggest you visit in person one of our two thousand neighborhood locations, where a licensed on-site tech...
How much does that cost?
It depends on whether or not you have all of the 83 different pieces, if they are in good repair, require cleaning, replacement, or...
Just walk me through the steps, ok? It's probably something simple.
...I'll try sir. What exactly is the problem?
Well I'm a little closer but now the firing pin won't fit. I'm trying everything. It just won't go in.
(Typing) Hmm, the firing pin for the 542R is made of titanium and should have the code HG2562 stamped into the metal.
Yeah, ok HG2562, uh huh.
(Typing) It seems for firing pin installation, the receiver plate and striking assembly must be installed in the chamber assembly loosely - that is, without the safety hardware tightened down.
OH! Shit, that might be it.
Yes Mr. Jones. If the safety isn't a bit loose at this stage of assembly, the firing pin won't lock into position.
OW! Damn it. No, it still won't go in.
Well sir, according to the diagram, the firing pin must be inserted with the AG28B installation caliper.
What?
The firing pin must be inserted with the -
I need to buy a tool from you assholes before I can put my gun back together? You know, it's people like you are why I'm going to fucking kill myself. BANG and it's all over!
Sir, we always do our best to assist our customers. We have many options available - would you like to special order the caliper, or pick it up at one of our two thousand neighborhood locations?
You cocksucking sheep fucker! If I ever find you, I'm gonna break your neck! (CLICK)
(Speaking to dial tone) Talk to you tomorrow, Jerry.
(Long pause, frustrated breathing)
Hello? This is Brian with Gorpson Gun Company. Are you there?
Brian, It's me, Jerry. I've called every day for three weeks. I'm on my lunch break here and I only have a few minutes. I don't have my fucking account number, ok?
Oh, that's not a problem sir. Is your question with a firearm?
Yeah, my stupid piece of shit rifle.
Rifle, yes sir. If you'll look on the base of the stock, you should see a plate with the serial number.
(Sigh, pause) Do you really need the number? It's the same number it was yesterday. It's too dark in here to read.
Sir, I'm afraid we do require the serial. I have to be sure which firearm we're discussing, so that I can be sure to provide accurate, safe steps.
(Mumbled cussing, fumbling noises) 1454741485KG237. Okay? Happy?
Yes sir. That is a Model 542 KRT Rimfire. Is the firearm registered in your name, sir?
Yeah.
Sir, may I have your last name, and the last four digits of your social security number?
Fucking... Jones. 2887.
Thank you Mr. Jones. How may I assist you today?
I can't get the piece of shit thing put back together right.
I see, Mr. Jones. One option would be to go online to www.gorpson. com \firearms\ 542r\support \diagrams \buynow and purchase an instructional chart or DVD.
I don't have a fucking computer.
I see, Mr. Jones. Another option would be to use your smart phone to go online to www.gorpson. com\firearms...
Shut the fuck up. I don't have a stupid smartphone, ok? Just walk me through the steps.
That would be difficult, sir. I would suggest you visit in person one of our two thousand neighborhood locations, where a licensed on-site tech...
How much does that cost?
It depends on whether or not you have all of the 83 different pieces, if they are in good repair, require cleaning, replacement, or...
Just walk me through the steps, ok? It's probably something simple.
...I'll try sir. What exactly is the problem?
Well I'm a little closer but now the firing pin won't fit. I'm trying everything. It just won't go in.
(Typing) Hmm, the firing pin for the 542R is made of titanium and should have the code HG2562 stamped into the metal.
Yeah, ok HG2562, uh huh.
(Typing) It seems for firing pin installation, the receiver plate and striking assembly must be installed in the chamber assembly loosely - that is, without the safety hardware tightened down.
OH! Shit, that might be it.
Yes Mr. Jones. If the safety isn't a bit loose at this stage of assembly, the firing pin won't lock into position.
OW! Damn it. No, it still won't go in.
Well sir, according to the diagram, the firing pin must be inserted with the AG28B installation caliper.
What?
The firing pin must be inserted with the -
I need to buy a tool from you assholes before I can put my gun back together? You know, it's people like you are why I'm going to fucking kill myself. BANG and it's all over!
Sir, we always do our best to assist our customers. We have many options available - would you like to special order the caliper, or pick it up at one of our two thousand neighborhood locations?
You cocksucking sheep fucker! If I ever find you, I'm gonna break your neck! (CLICK)
(Speaking to dial tone) Talk to you tomorrow, Jerry.
I should mention that I don't know anything about guns, so don't be surprised when none of my steps make sense.
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