Newspaper Run

Early Sunday mornings I drive - not run - to the local Kangaroo gas station and quickie mart to get the Sunday newspaper for the much clipping of coupons. Two papers, actually. $3.00 is well worth it.

Michelle does a better job exploiting the coupons than I knew was possible - it seems if you play your cards right, stores will pay YOU for the privilege of taking stuff off the shelves and into your home.


Anywhoo - I always spot this sign for Mary's Cuban Kitchen, and I cannot help thinking that 'Pasteles Y Cake' is a local Cuban folk band made up of forty-something Moms.

Maybe the band performs every Saturday night and is a big hit in the community. Once they even solved the mystery about those unpleasant people from that place that one time (it's safer if you don't know).

The Dark End of Shady

I’m currently applying to software training positions around the country.

My imagination being what it is, I pictured getting a grand new training position after a brief phone interview. The daydream continues - - my new employers are not native English speakers, but seem very friendly over the phone and are eager to meet me.

I’m flown first class to the Bimini Isles, where I’m provided an elegant seaside villa. The next day, I discover that my job is to teach Halo 3 to a group of middle aged foreign gentlemen, all wearing elaborate headdresses.

Through an interpreter, they explain that they wish to win a Halo 3 XBox 360 tournament in six months. They all seem nice enough, but a number of the attendants are carrying uzi’s – the interpreter explains that the gun wielding dudes are secret service protecting the crown prince, who is among my trainee’s (“Oh, forgive me Mister Trainer, I can not say which one…”).

After just a few minutes of training the guys, it’s clear that this group is not your average Halo crowd as they are taking careful notes about squad organization, group communication and objective coordination. They loudly debate the exact marching order they should use for a full ten minutes. The guy assigned sniper is quickly hazed with an exploding Code Red Mt. Dew when he kills an enemy with a shot to the throat when a headshot had been ordered – an XBox is ruined by the soda, but another console is brought in within five minutes as if this is a common thing.

Returning that evening to my villa, I am met by a masseuse who provides a thorough treatment. After a delicious dinner (a ‘Double Double with Cheese’ from ‘In and Out Burger’, flown in from Las Vegas) I nervously, politely turn away a beautiful courtesan.

I lie in bed blinking at the ceiling while the 65” television plays a lost Star Wars sequel from 1992. Episode 7 goes largely unwatched (Clint Eastwood as a Jedi?) as my heart races. What do I do now? What would happen if I quit the job? Or when the six-month position comes to an end? Shit. I can’t believe I sent the courtesan away! Frak! They’re going to kill me when this is over…

A dream I never had

I'm walking around the block, enjoying the last few days of 75 degree weather, the low humidity...

A tour bus cruises softly by: "And this is Mike Kurilko. 10 years before he makes it big as the inventor of mumblemumble..."

As the small fireworks of a dozen cameras flash, all I can think is: "TEN years?"
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Daydream Believer? Come on now...

Mike as the hero, who vanquishes the villain and wins the day, prize, and girl?
Whaaaa? Who was in charge of casting on this?

And these production values, what's with the hazy smoke and wavery camera effect? Give me break.
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