Are you tired of looking down your nose through the electronic-liquid-crystal-tinted windows of your Bentley and being forcibly reminded of the world's morass of entropic bedraggledom?
It's impossible to drive through any neighborhood without being accosted by the morass of roadside filth - shards of glass, empty fast food bags, would-be window washers, tiny pebbles, degenerates desperately squirming through the gutter towards their leering pushermen, grit, empty 40's of malt liquor, mouldering underpants, blue collar peasants staring with their vapid stares down the street, slouching indifferently towards the eventual arrival of urine-soaked, ever-tardy public transportation as broken thrift store toys litter the streets.
It's difficult to focus on the upcoming merger with this sort of distraction, no matter how crisp the gentle thrice-filtered HEPA air conditioning and the exquisiteness of the in-car live violin trio. Squalor detracts from the now.
One option would be to buy out these middle-class slums and turn them into an exclusive country club. This is very costly, and involves attending endless city council meetings to get sufficient re-zoning permits. Also, rubbing elbows with The Great Unwashed, which gets into the uncomfortable likelihood of exposure to something called 'elbow grease'.
At long last, there's a better option! Have your personal assistant make a convenient call to EtchCo's Commute Beautification Hotline, and our team of Commuscapers(tm) will do the rest.
Gone will be the shards of glass, empty fast food bags, empty 40's of malt liquor, and the rest of the...unpleasantness. Our fleet of industrial vacuum trucks will make a Commute Inspection and Cleanup Sweep(tm) mere minutes before your commute begins. All degenerates too weak to walk will be loaded into vans and transported in comfort to the nearest shelter. All public transport loiterers will be ferried to their destination at no charge, clearing the route for you, our priority commuters.
Tired of long waits at crowded intersections? You're far too important to sit at the same stoplight through two cycles of the same light as traffic edges along - our fleet of Traffic Flow Modification(tm) vehicles will arrive at key intersections fifteen minutes before yourself, to guarantee the right sort .reach the green lights they need in a timely fashion.
You've made the right choices in life - born well, made the right connections, married well, and are chauffeured in the utmost style and comfort - why should you expect any less of your commute? Call EtchCo's Commute Beautification Hotline today!
.
It's impossible to drive through any neighborhood without being accosted by the morass of roadside filth - shards of glass, empty fast food bags, would-be window washers, tiny pebbles, degenerates desperately squirming through the gutter towards their leering pushermen, grit, empty 40's of malt liquor, mouldering underpants, blue collar peasants staring with their vapid stares down the street, slouching indifferently towards the eventual arrival of urine-soaked, ever-tardy public transportation as broken thrift store toys litter the streets.
It's difficult to focus on the upcoming merger with this sort of distraction, no matter how crisp the gentle thrice-filtered HEPA air conditioning and the exquisiteness of the in-car live violin trio. Squalor detracts from the now.
One option would be to buy out these middle-class slums and turn them into an exclusive country club. This is very costly, and involves attending endless city council meetings to get sufficient re-zoning permits. Also, rubbing elbows with The Great Unwashed, which gets into the uncomfortable likelihood of exposure to something called 'elbow grease'.
At long last, there's a better option! Have your personal assistant make a convenient call to EtchCo's Commute Beautification Hotline, and our team of Commuscapers(tm) will do the rest.
Gone will be the shards of glass, empty fast food bags, empty 40's of malt liquor, and the rest of the...unpleasantness. Our fleet of industrial vacuum trucks will make a Commute Inspection and Cleanup Sweep(tm) mere minutes before your commute begins. All degenerates too weak to walk will be loaded into vans and transported in comfort to the nearest shelter. All public transport loiterers will be ferried to their destination at no charge, clearing the route for you, our priority commuters.
Tired of long waits at crowded intersections? You're far too important to sit at the same stoplight through two cycles of the same light as traffic edges along - our fleet of Traffic Flow Modification(tm) vehicles will arrive at key intersections fifteen minutes before yourself, to guarantee the right sort .reach the green lights they need in a timely fashion.
You've made the right choices in life - born well, made the right connections, married well, and are chauffeured in the utmost style and comfort - why should you expect any less of your commute? Call EtchCo's Commute Beautification Hotline today!
.
