Stirring up some excitement

Have you ever wanted to charge into the CEO's office and fall to your knees, tearfully (and falsely) confessing that you are a spy from the competition, who has been paying you handsomely for juicy tidbits of corporate espionage?

Uh, me neither.

You say Poe-Ta-Toe

Several different people lately at work have been complaining of "migraines".

Now, no one can really say how much pain another person is in, but if you're lounging in your chair, chit chatting, grinning and joking around, it doesn't count at a migraine in my book.

If you're under your desk in the fetal position, with the trash can over your head, weeping because a field mouse 2 miles away is squeaking too loud - that there is a migraine.

Otherwise, just say "headache", OK?

I was MISLED

It's 49 degrees right now in central Florida. And on Christmas, a tornado did a million dollars worth of damage just down the road.

Spring Break better kick m'f'ng ass, that's all I got to say.

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It's a damn good thing I'm not sexy

Now in my first ever customer service job, I've discovered a horrible truth about myself - I simply can't say NO to people. I just want to help them, make them happy, and send them on their way.

22nd Annual Etcher's Christmas Awards

It's the 22nd Annual Etcher's Christmas Awards!

:::cheering:::

Hosted by Robert Loggia

:::woo!:::

Guest appearances by:

Charo

Zsa Zsa Gabor

Carol Channing

Musical Guest:

Robert Goulet

Psssszap! Technical difficulties, please stand by.

We now join The Simpsons, already in progress!

Is it just me?

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It's so odd to think that the name of this product was developed by a committee, approved by management, submitted for consumer testing, and actually made it onto the box.

People got paid for dreaming up this name. Wow.

Begin Panic Attack...Now!

The nearest IKEA is 6 hours away!

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it ain't writers block... but it'll do until the real thing comes along

I've been whining about work lately, I know. It's leaving me drained - there's just so much new data that my brain is so busy processing this high-priority shit that all the fun wordplay I usually entertain myself with has been locked off in cold storage .

I mean damn, there have been days recently when I didn't even blog, and I'd been so good about posting 5 days a week for years! (Did I mention my brain runs BASIC? Explains a lot, I know. I think I have some bad sectors right now...)

LIST

work7665a
work67294

work8736y
work6125
work8362

worky12821

work5145
work247a
grooming716
sex6725

023 bytes free
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RUN writefiction

Syntax Error line 23431: Ha ha yeah right
Syntax Error line 43564: AS IF
Syntax Error line 89712: Talk to the HAND

During November, I wrote a total of about 200 words for NaNoWriMo, and had to spend 4 hours in bed recovering afterwards. Then I flaked out of Craig's fun writing contest. I suck!

Eventually

When scientists working on artificial intelligence finally figure it out, this is what it'll be:

Three or more separate (often conflicting) drives or agendas which result in an internal discussion or debate over which action to take - this is consciousness.

Horse Country!

We moved from Southern California to Florida around 6 months ago...

I'm still getting used to having clouds in the sky, and actual weather. Oh, and livestock around every bend. There's a horse farm behind Best Buy. And another one behind the grocery store. Circuit City sells hay and live bait.

It's odd. Beautiful too.

This sticker is on all the gas pumps round yonder. I like to think no one gives Mr. Commissioner a hard time.

The sky! Clouds! Too beautiful to be real, it must be special effects.

Did I mention we live across the street from a graveyard? Yep.

One of the businesses in our area. I am not at all affiliated with them.

Umm. We might just be in NASCAR country.

A horse ranch.

Another horse ranch.

One of a thousand horse-related businesses in the area.

What's this? If you guessed "A horse ranch" you guessed rightly!

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Welcome to the Wis-Dome of Tomorrow!

There's a saying, something about The only true wisdom is realizing that you know nothing. (Did I get that from Bill & Ted? Probably.) On one level, I believe that. I'm an intelligent person, and while I know many things, I'm still in the dark about 99.9999% of everything. I believe this.

And yet I feel like I SHOULD know everything. One layer of me demands that I know the answer to any question, and if there's something I can't answer, I actually get pissed at myself. If something stumps me, I MUST go look up the answer (at home or work). If I can't look it up right away, I'll jot it down for later research. As compulsions go, I could do worse.

It's this need to be completely credible that's driving me batty with the new job - since there's far too much for anyone to know, and even if you could somehow memorize it all at this very moment, all of the policies and procedures are under constant revision, so there it is: unending frustration.

I can't deal with feeling LOST. They say it can be up to 6 months before you feel completely comfortable. Good grief, I'll have killed someone by then. I won't give up without really giving it my all, but feeling lost all the time is exhausting.