I felt an urgent need to use the restroom. While still in the doorway of the men's room, I noticed there was but a teensy scrap of toilet paper left.
I rushed to and checked the supply cabinet in the south hall - empty! The north hall cabinet - empty!
Shit shit shit.
I dared into the women's bathroom, where two rolls of toilet paper waited on the counter, smug in their crinkly wrapping paper. Huzzah! I grabbed one of the rolls, and absconded with it as if I were stealing an infant for a wife who must never know I threw the baby out with the bathwater.
YES! I ROCK! I felt a surge of pride and self-sufficience, surely the same sensation my prehistoric hunter-gatherer ancestors felt as they brought down a saber toothed tiger with their bare hands. I had reached deep into the secret core of my environment and wrenched free a mouthful of meat still hot from its beating heart!
I rushed to and checked the supply cabinet in the south hall - empty! The north hall cabinet - empty!
Shit shit shit.
I dared into the women's bathroom, where two rolls of toilet paper waited on the counter, smug in their crinkly wrapping paper. Huzzah! I grabbed one of the rolls, and absconded with it as if I were stealing an infant for a wife who must never know I threw the baby out with the bathwater.
YES! I ROCK! I felt a surge of pride and self-sufficience, surely the same sensation my prehistoric hunter-gatherer ancestors felt as they brought down a saber toothed tiger with their bare hands. I had reached deep into the secret core of my environment and wrenched free a mouthful of meat still hot from its beating heart!
i almost spit my coffee on this one!
ReplyDeletei don't know what my exact expectations were when i read "woo! success!" but i was surprised when you followed up with "I felt an urgent need to use the restroom"!!
Almost-coffee spitting is high praise!
ReplyDeleteNot as good as actual coffee-spitting, but it will have to do.