I'm easily amused

I wrote this at work to fill in a text box for registration email testing purposes. It amuses me.

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ONLINE BOOKING - IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER!

Ever since Lord Emperor Hector Gonzales XXIV of Ancient Athens carved the first counting machine out of moldy felt and the bones of three fleecy lambs in 3252 BC, mankind has been rocketing like an out of control rocket without air-brakes towards a future where online appointment booking is the dominant force of the future!

NO! The dawn of Online Booking is will go down in the future of history as the dominant force of ALL TIME!

But wait! "How much will this cost?" You ask?

"Nothing!" We declare. "In fact, just to get you addicted, we're going to offer discounts for online booking."

"Addicted?" You say?

"We never said 'addicted'." We lie. "We said 'for a limited time only" which is totally different.

Here are a few places you can enjoy online booking:

* The shower (The salon is not responsible if you are electrocuted)
* The car (The salon is not responsible for car accidents)
* In bed (The salon is not responsible for pregnancy)
* Skydiving (The salon is not res...

Now that Online Booking is here, you'll never miss an opportunity to feel that you aren't quite as pretty and well-groomed as you could be. (Damn girl, when's the last time your eyebrows had some TLC?)

Did she LOL in the end?

My soon-to-be mother-in-law sent me an email last night. It seems she keeps notes on the likes and dislikes of the family, and since I'm about to be family... Her email was a list of about 75 questions. I thought I would share a few of my emailed answers with you.

Favorite Movies:
The Burning Bed
Sleeping With the Enemy
What's Love Got to Do With It?

Favorite Books:
Bastard Out of Carolina
The Color Purple
Misery

Favorite Phrase:
"Don't make me cut you again."

How long do you think she read on and on, a look of horror and dismay growing on her face, her jaw dropping and her hand reaching for the phone in a desperate effort to call the whole thing off BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE until realizing what an adorable lil joker I am?

'The check is in the mail' kind of thing

When you're in the midst of an IM session with someone, you know when they're typing - there's a little info field that says "Rabbi Krustofski is typing".

Handy!

It would be a neat feature of email programs too - every morning, my sister and I email one another, and sometimes I'm running late or I miss a day. It would be cool if while I was typing my email, if my goodly sister were to check her email, instead of just the glaring 'NO ONE LOVES YOU' of a no new mail screen, it would say "Mike is writing an email to you right now!"

The way this would work: as soon as I entered her name in the To field, a little mini communique would be sent to her email address (actually an email, but short in the way only binary can be, and automatically sent when I begin typing the email).

If I canceled the email or saved it for later, the message on her screen would clear or update, as the applicable. Now, some people would not approve of this feature - so it would be a setting you could toggle, or enable for specific people only.

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There's Kato in my Spam!

Our work email filter is very lax, since many of our customers email us with support questions, and they use everything from hotmail to corporate email accounts. Thus, we get lots of junk emails. Even places I've worked with very stringent filters will let some spam through.

But we're not allowed to surf the web at work, even on breaks!

So how about this? Create an RSS function that forwards your favorite content to you at work... AS SPAM! The little spammer module would plug in strings of spammy BS in all caps, and you'd just learn to skip those sections and read what you were interested in.

The email's Subject line:
Kato LOVE YOU witfits LONG TIME EREECTION GIANT THINGY PLEASE HER WELL GOODLY MARRIAGE

Body:
If you've been under a rock for the past year or so you may not have known that we were embroiled in a fierce format war. GIANT PLEASEURE STICK ALL YOURS MANY BLESSINGS UPON YOUR MARRIAGE BED The generals of each camp, Sony and Toshiba, each set loose on the high definition battlefield their own hand-picked champions: Blu-Ray and the more aptly named HD DVD, respectively.

LONGER LASTEING HAPPY DAYS FOR ALL ONLY $1.92 PER DOSE

Technologically they were quite similar, with differences between them lying mostly in total storage capacity and interface implementation. What was important was that they were both formats for storing High Definition video content...

Ah, this probably exists already. If not, I demand half of all profits please. Thanks.

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