Etch A Sketch Attention Span

Friday, March 14, 2008

Disappointment #3

"Hey man, want to hang tonight?"

"Can't. Getting my iPhone activated tonight."

"Ha, no really."

"No. Really."

(Tone = Disappointment #3*) "Dude."
(Tone = F@$# Yeah!) "Dude!"
(Tone = Aw Yeah Baby) "Dude."

"So, no hanging tonight? Seriously? So you can play with a phone?"

"Dude, this is the geek equivalent of the honeymoon night. You're not gonna see me till Tuesday."
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Disappointment #3 - also known as Congratulations for Wonderfully Wrong - When you've just had spectacular, adulterous sex with the hottest girl in the state, (aka your sister-in-law) on the night before she divorces her husband (a priest) to join a convent.
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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Hear Ye, Hear Ye!

Did I mention we're getting married in Las Vegas on April 30, 2009 - exactly 8 years to the day after we were engaged. How romantic is that?

No really, how romantic is it? I have no idea.
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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Uh Oh.

Wow, the girls in that commercial are really cute.

Uh, you realize, those girls are probably 17 years old.
And you're damn near 40, you disgusting old man.
You could be their father.

Sigh. You're right. So, what then? No more fantasy life?

Heh. I didn't say that.
It's just time for some perspective -
The fantasies might just have to become a little more...diabolical.

I'm afraid to ask.

Just imagine you're rich. Then it's socially acceptable.

Fine, what's one more lie? How old are we, anyway? 36?

Yup. You're the same age as Ewan MacGregor.

Ooh! And can I pretend I can sing, too?

Whatever gets us off, my friend. Sanity comes at a high price.
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Re-new, Re-use, Re-cycle

Monday, March 10, 2008

There's Kato in my Spam!

Our work email filter is very lax, since many of our customers email us with support questions, and they use everything from hotmail to corporate email accounts. Thus, we get lots of junk emails. Even places I've worked with very stringent filters will let some spam through.

But we're not allowed to surf the web at work, even on breaks!

So how about this? Create an RSS function that forwards your favorite content to you at work... AS SPAM! The little spammer module would plug in strings of spammy BS in all caps, and you'd just learn to skip those sections and read what you were interested in.

The email's Subject line:
Kato LOVE YOU witfits LONG TIME EREECTION GIANT THINGY PLEASE HER WELL GOODLY MARRIAGE

Body:
If you've been under a rock for the past year or so you may not have known that we were embroiled in a fierce format war. GIANT PLEASEURE STICK ALL YOURS MANY BLESSINGS UPON YOUR MARRIAGE BED The generals of each camp, Sony and Toshiba, each set loose on the high definition battlefield their own hand-picked champions: Blu-Ray and the more aptly named HD DVD, respectively.

LONGER LASTEING HAPPY DAYS FOR ALL ONLY $1.92 PER DOSE

Technologically they were quite similar, with differences between them lying mostly in total storage capacity and interface implementation. What was important was that they were both formats for storing High Definition video content...

Ah, this probably exists already. If not, I demand half of all profits please. Thanks.

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Real Life Conversation #36

Guess I'll renew my subscription - plus, a girl at work wants to read them.

Make sure to cut your name off the cover - never know where it will end up.

Hmn, I could do that, sure. Er...

Or?

When she beats a hooker to death with it and the cops show up with a bloody copy of Wired in a two quart freezer bag, I'll just make sure to have a solid alibis.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Misheard, Just Wrong

"He's so old, he doesn't even beat his wife anymore."
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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Headline Double Take

Patrick Stewart Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer

Whaaaaaaa??!

(Classic cartoon double-take occurs)

Eyes refocus to reveal:

Patrick Swayze Diagnosed With Pancreatic Cancer

whew! close one.
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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

It might be a quantum physics thingy

How does poo smell?

I mean, I know WHY poo smells, I've read the scientific literature. (And it's brown because bile is a purplish color, did you know that?)

Let's say you'd poo'd and there is poo in the pot - it's completely submerged, nothing sticking up above the water.

Now, smells are actually just tiny particles of the item (so when you smell food, you're actually sniffing up teeny airborne food particles - it's the same with all smells).

With the submerged poo, the particles in the air should disperse quickly, but they do not. If you should somehow forget to flush and come back later on, the room still smells of poo. But the particles should have dispersed, and without bubbles or particle action of some sort, there shold be no smell. Mebbe there are microbubbles that I can't see?

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Monday, March 03, 2008

Home Movies of my cat. Yep.

We have a DVR. It has lots of room. You wouldn't believe how fast it fills up (unless you have one too).

There are many things that Cindy records on the DVR that never come out on DVD (like Prancing Wit Da Stars, or So You Tink Ya Kin Prance, or Prance Wars... you might be seeing a trend here) so these things must be saved for posterity. Just a single backup copy for home use in case California falls into the ocean, you understand.

We had a basic, no-frills DVD burner (a Panasonic DMR-ES15) that would allow us to create this one single backup copy for home use with no worries. Well, it died recently, and I went to Best Buy and picked up a snazzy new Sony DVD burner, oh so nice. The stylish, polished aluminum case! The gorgeous on-screen interface!

The copy protection!

That's right, my new DVD Burner would not allow me to record from TV. Or would it? I tested it, recording a number of different channels and programs. I couldn't record So Ya Tink Ya Kin Prance, but it would allow me to record Two and a Half Men. I couldn't record The Parkers, but I could record Futurama. What the hoo haa? I'd much rather record Futurama than any of the other crap.

So I returned the Sony DVD Burner, (Gosh, it won't let me record my home movies!) ordered another Panasonic DMR-ES15 from Amazon. Yay, now we're safe in case California falls into the ocean. I wonder if there is a web site somewhere that lists DVD burners without copy protection?
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