Congratulations on the rousing success of your most recent mission!
Our clients (The Committee for Easy-Listening Radio Sanity) are most pleased with the never was .of Bob 'Ducky' Jameson. Nothing shuts a guy up like having his grandfather killed as a two year old. In fact, the client was so pleased that they provided a $5000.00 bonus for each of you!
Unfortunately, Ducky Jameson's gap in the Easy-Listening genre has spawned an artist almost as bad. (no, I'm not talking about Kennys A-F, as it seems soprano saxophones cannot be banished no matter how we try).
The new target is one Rod Stewart. Search north London in the mid 1940's. Dangerous place, London... Maybe a V2 could take out mommy.
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.Tempus Iuguolo
Can they also take out people he performed with?
ReplyDeleteThen I wouldn't have had to listen to the theme from "Robin Hood Prince of Thieves" 800 times per hour back in the 90's.
(Only make sure they only take out Bryan Adams after he does "Summer of 69"...I quite like that one.)
You know, I find time travel assassinations morally questionable. Sure, it gets rid of easy listening artists, but it also takes out innocent bystanders. I mean, other than fathering Bob's father, what harm did Grandpa Jameson ever do? He might have even done some good, which your squad has now undone.
ReplyDeleteI prefer to use the Time-Traveling Coitus Interuptus Squad. Rather than killing innocent people, they just calculate their target's time of conception, travel back to that time and place, then make sure that conception never takes place. Methods include:
- Singing 'Onward Christian Soldiers' outside the house, which pretty much ruins even the most ardent mood.
- Bursting into the bedroom wearing Rosie O'Donnell masks, which has a similar effect.
- Lobbing a tear gas cannister through the window.
- And if all else fails, approaching the father in the street, asking for directions, and then savagely kneeing him in the groin.
Thus the elimination is achieved, with no lasting damage done to the parents... other than some Rosie O'Donnell-related psychological scarring.
Hear hear, Master Blandwagon! Well said!
ReplyDelete