GOAL ACHIEVED

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At the gym, on the StairMaster
(Should be called StairMassah, cause damned if it don't bring the pain.

I'm all, "Fine, my name is Toby. Whatever, just stop hurting me."



Anyway, on the StairMassah, when you get on -
(Careful na - Don't hurt your back, you practically need a rope to climb up this bitch. If the bottom step is in hide-and-seek mode, which it always is, you have to HUPPF your foot up to the second step. And the bottom step aint that close to the ground, either.

When The StairMassah Co Inc LLC designed their masochism machine, the least they could do was program it with some forethought. It's a pretty simple if/then string of code:

/: If _ User = Finished and Stair is <> Level,
then create level step after 30 seconds inactive. :/

But noooo. HUPPF!

So you eventually reach the summit, discarding your bottles of oxygen willy nilly, and there is a handy console waiting for you (like in the afterlife) and it wants all this info, height weight mother's maiden name, the duration you'd like to suffer, etc.

Hurt me there baby ooh

But there's one neat thing about the StairMassah and that's this:
If you tell it you wanna suffer for 10 minutes, at the end of 10 minutes, the machine freezes in place...

And bold, all-caps letters spell out GOAL ACHIEVED in big red letters.

It would be neat if there was something like that in life. Like for every goal, you got a message when it was achieved.

"I want to be a good father" or "I want to be a good husband" or "I want to write something that will be remembered 100 years after I'm dead" or "I want to take care of my parents, and show them I love and respect them"

And you'd get home from visiting your folks one day, or complete a kick ass story, or give your woman the best footrub ever - and this big, giant string of red text would appear, and it would say

GOAL ACHIEVED.
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