Let Me Out of The Closet!

No, I'm not gay.

Let me just make something clear to the office-workers of the world:

When you are waiting to get on an elevator during normal office hours, there are a few things you should keep in mind...

1) An Elevator is like a tiny closet.
2) There's at least a 50% chance it will have people in it.
3) An Elevator is like a tiny closet.
4) People crowded in a tiny closet really want to get out.

So when the elevator arrives, don't dash in.
Since there are probably people in there, wait for them to get out.
They're crowded in a tiny closet, after all.

And why are you in such a hurry to be crowded in a tiny closet, anyway? I should not have to say a curt "Excuse me" as you dash into the elevator, past me, bumping me with your giant briefcase as I'm trying to exit. I have right-of-way, I have seniority. I was here first, you Latte-Sipping, Square-Toed-Shoed Jerkoff.

Always assume that someone is in the elevator.

If you're waiting, and you're thinking,
"I wonder if there will be someone in the elevator?"
The voice of reason and probability should answer "Yes, Dumbass!"

Speaking of Square Toed Shoes, what the heck is with that? Last time I checked, people had curved feet. Are your feet so wide that you're trying to hide that fact?

Are squared toed shoes supposed to make your feet look smaller? Cause they don't. They just look freaky.

Were you a slave, and tried to escape one time too many and they cut your toes off? Are these 'Tribute To The Days When My People Were Enslaved" Shoes? No? Then wear normal shoes. Thanks.

PS: I'm not down on any peoples who had enslaved ancestors. If you go back into history far enough, we all come from cultures that practiced enslavement, because yes, people suck.

Especially when they're trying to get into elevators.