Not Exactly Nick Names

I'm going to the gym only 5 days a week now. I was really sore all the time, and 2 days off in a row seems to give my body time to heal. I'm still sore, but not as bad.

Plus, I think I figured out which machine was the one making me really, really sore - the stairmassah. I've dropped the SM from the list of machines that I use, for now. I'm testing to see if my theory is right. It seems to be, so far.

In reference to attending the gym, there are all sorts of people that I see there. I never speak to them, partly because I am highly antisocial and partly because most of us are wearing headphones.

When you see people every day, it's a natural tendency to name people based on their appearance or actions...

There's Evil Chef,
Who reminds me of Chef from South Park, only he has a wickedly pointy chin beard and always wears sunglasses, even when it's raining - call Corey Hart, he needs to write me a new song. Evil Chef seems like a really nice guy, for an evil dude. He wears big boots while he works out, and he's completely covered from head to toe, except for his face. Maybe he's covered in rune tattoos that he uses to conjure with the forces of darkness. He's gotta be hot under all those clothes. Maybe that's why he turned to The Dark Side.

Then there's Captain Elliptical,
Who I've never seen use any machine except, you guessed it, the Elliptical machine. He'll wait nearby to use one if they're all in use - there are only six of them, and they're always busy. Except for those weird moments when all 6 are idle. It's like you're in The Twilight Zone or something. You're looking around for the elves, aliens, elven aliens, leprechauns, something.

When Captain Elliptical arrives at the gym, I want to call out "Captain's On The Bridge!" and salute, and get off the elliptical machine so he can use it, cause he kicks ass on that machine. Forwards, backwards, fast, slow, he's the king. Or rather, The Captain. Everyone should 'snap to' when he arrives, but they don't.

There's Gimpy,
Who is a 30ish year old woman who wears sweatpants, sweatshirt, a doo-rag and a big towel. She seems just fine while she's working out, but then she creaks around in the gym as if it's a prison sentence, and she moves like she's in constant pain, which she may well be. Too much stairmassah, perhaps. Though I've never seen her on the SM. Perhaps her kryptonite is another machine.

Then there's Soapy.
She will pick out a machine, and reserve it by placing her water bottle in the cupholder. Then she disappears to the bathroom for a good five minutes. At least. If I came upon her machine unawares, I would toss her water away and use the unit myself. After her bathroom trip, she arrives with soap, and copious amounts of paper towels. She then soaps up every grasp-worthy surface of the machine, and wipes it down. Only when it is completely dry and clean will she make use of it.

There are more wacky gym people, but for some reason my boss wants me to get to work. Maybe another time...