Monday, April 04, 2005

Girl, You So Crazy!!

During my gym visits, I notice that my fellow showering men don't carry very much in the way of showering accessories.

A couple of them will have a tiny bottle of liquid soap (I assume they do not like the liquid soap provided in the dispensers. It's ok, I don't love it, but I don't feel like carrying my own bottle of liquid soap).

I have not visited the women's shower (ooh la la) but I imagine that they carry all manner of stuff with them.

Women-
...Assorted lotions, balms, ointments,
foot scrubbers, shower hats, long-
handled back scrubbing brushes,
antibacterial gel, comfy shower mats,
portable showering benches,
Plush Robes Imported from India,
shampoo, conditioner, body wash,
feminine body wash, foot massager,
Intuition(TM) shavers, wet/dry vacs,
a floor towel, an inflatable dressing room...

Men -
Towel.
Maybe tiny bottle of body wash.

I resisted the male peer pressure of Spartan Showering Minimalism and began taking a luffa scrubber into the shower with me. It is a manly white color. I wanted black, but the store I stopped into didn't have any. My choices were white, pink, or light blue.

I have not noticed anyone else carrying a luffa into the shower, and who knows, I might start a trend. No one has beat me up or ostracized me. Yet.

I like luffa scrubbers because they are a very quick and efficient way of washing oneself. You soap the luffa once, and get your scrub on, head to toe in a mere 60 seconds. Want another pass? Another 60 seconds and you are clean clean super clean, and your skin is a bit abraded and red. Good to go!

I propose that men very likely enjoy the use of the many assorted showering accessories that their wives keep in the bathroom. I know that I do. (I'm not shaving my legs or anything, but exfoliant creams are nice!)

'Female' products are often very functional, well-designed, and useful. We men like to tease women about all their lotions, but they are good products.

And I do enjoy my woman's soft, smooth, supple, succulant sweet-smelling skin. Mmmmn, nummy.

I propose that the shower accessory supply designers develop the:
Mike's Bandolier of Manly Showering Supplies.

Like Chewbacca, Rambo, The Terminator, and other manly types wear.

Except THIS bandolier would contain tubes of shower soap, shampoo, conditioner, an empty tube to stuff your luffa into. Each of these tubes could look like a bullet, or a grenade, tear gas, a vial of acid or poison.

You know, something that kills or hurts people. We men like that.

Perhaps it could ooze fake blood.

The bandolier itself could be have a back-scrubby rough portion on its underside for increased usefulness.

Then I could wear this bandolier of soapy maleness with hetero-pride, and still exfoliate my back.

Actually, I might be too uncertain to wear it.
I'd have to wait for someone else to wear it first.

That's how guys are.

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