Yo Fax-Printer So Old...

• it prints only on papyrus
  
  
• uses lamb's blood for toner
  
  
• runs on coal
  
  
• was part of the spoils when Babylon was sacked
  
  
• was hewn from a single piece of jade
  
  
• uses a rotary dial
  
  
• transmits using smoke signals
  
  
• has a hand crank
  
  
• the phone line is braided human hair, ending in a golden chalice
  
  
• the 'days of the week' dial reads:
  Toil, Toil, Toil, Toil, Toil, Toil, Sabbath!