Sunday, April 22, 2007

Ancient Egypt on a Dollar a Day

She was actually pretty hot, as zombies go. She a whole undead-sheik thing going. The trailing linens were braided into a fashionable, if haphazard, fringe.

Gordon hauled Zack to his feet and dragged him through the doorway just in time to avoid the falling statue of Ra.

“Kit-ty. Kitty.” The zombie droned, over and over.

Zack and Gordon made it out of the temple just as Meg was pulling up in the Range Rover.

For a few long moments, it seemed the zombie was unable to leave the temple. She swayed in the doorway and drew back, like a cat unwilling to dash out into the snow.

Meg scrambled up the steps, barely noticing the huge gash on Gordon’s head. She ran past them just as the zombie left the temple.

“Kitty… Kitty…” The zombie muttered. She seemed to be getting bored with the whole thing, as if she’d rethought it all, realized that her 5000-Year high school reunion was coming up, the best she could do was chasing some idiots through the jungle, and decided ‘what’s the fucking point?’.

Meg plopped the cat carrier down directly in the zombie’s path and backed away. The startled mews of the two kittens inside broke her heart as she hurried down the steps. Bullets hadn’t slowed the thing down – maybe giving it what it was asking for would do the trick.

She joined Zack and Gordon in the Range Rover, just as her walkie-talkie chirped.

“Meg?” Debbie’s voice crackled over the radio. “Meg, damn it! ‘Kitty’ is Egyptian for ‘meat’! Meg, are you there? Is this thing on? Damn it Francis, how do I…”

Just then, the zombie reached the cat carrier. She stooped down in a startlingly human movement that seemed almost gentle. She tore the top off the cat carrier as if it were made of aluminum foil, and the two kittens sprang out. Their eyes were glowing an unearthly, evil blue, their coats were matted and bloody. They floated up and hung suspended in midair, one over each of the zombie’s shoulders as she continued down the steps toward them. Their tails flicked with sinister intent. Also, with the hissing.

“Aw shit. Zombie kitties.” Meg rested her forehead on the steering wheel in defeat.

“It could be worse.” Gordon blinked, looking at Zack.

Zack nodded, dripping blood on the upholstery. “She could have been saying “Cows…Cows…”

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous9:08 AM

    gurgle gurgle

    send this to tarantino, stat!

    ReplyDelete