During High School, I didn't have much of a plan. I was gonna join the Air Force for at least one tour of duty, maybe make it a career if it agreed with me. Hey, I could retire at 38 and then start on a second career! I grew up as an Army Brat, so I had an inkling of what a military lifestyle would be like.
After the physical exam, I was disqualified from military service because of my awful-bad depth perception (how had I not expected that?), and then... nothin. An endless string of jobs.
I'll be 35 on Saturday, and what?
I thought I'd be further along than just this rented space.
After the physical exam, I was disqualified from military service because of my awful-bad depth perception (how had I not expected that?), and then... nothin. An endless string of jobs.
I'll be 35 on Saturday, and what?
I thought I'd be further along than just this rented space.
I keep expecting a switch inside me will go CLICK and suddenly I'll feel passionate about something. Anything. I've been waiting for that moment for about 25 years now.
Maybe it's just low hormone levels. They have testosterone gel, you just rub it into your skin. Hmn. My last physical was in 1990, so maybe it's time for another one?
If you take too much testosterone, your estrogen levels increase as a result and you're likely to end up with breasts. Big ole man boobs - it's officially called
It's a matter of perspective, if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteFrom your post, you're obviously not completely happy in your line of work, but few people are...but on the other hand, you have Cindy, and the two of you sound incredibly happy.
Like me, on the one hand, I'm 25, and so far have gotten married, have step-kids and have made a major life change (moving to the US etc).
On the other, I'm not living in my own home, don't have a job (never mind a decent one) and I could fit all my worldly possessions into a large suitcase.
So what have I accomplished? A lot, or very little?
Philosophical question for you. Which is worse: not having something to feel passionate about, or having something you are passionate about and just not doing it?
ReplyDeleteOr put another way: is it better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all?
I'm speaking to the struggling writer in you, by the way. Don't let my waxing rhapsodic throw you. I stuggle with the same thing. Job I hate keeps me from having time/energy from doing what I love.
Paulius: Unhappy with my line of work - I'm unemployed right now, and have been sitting home for about two months, going stir crazy.
ReplyDeleteYou've been waiting for your papers to clear for far longer than 2 months, so I'm sure you're feeling a lot more cabin fever than I am. Sitting home while your wife works is also a hard thing to do, and you can relate to that too.
In the end, I'm pissed at myself for being so lazy, and being so unprepared at 35 (no college degree, no trade school, and no work experience applicable to this region).
Cindy and I are very happy, no doubt about it! Our relationship is one of the few things I've done right. I'm lucky to have her, and she's nothing but supportive!
IL: You make good points, I can't argue your logic. It's possible that I'm expecting passion to feel different than it does. As I'm writing, and when I actually complete a work, I feel as if I'm doing what I was made for... (Not to say that I'm any good, but that it feels very right).
Thanks for the encouragement, guys! I'm in a funk, and I know it will pass once I'm working again and contributing to the household.
MC--did you get my post on this (I left it a couple days ago . . .)????
ReplyDeleteSQ