I have a couple absolute truths for you:
1) Everyone loves muffins.
2) Everyone knows the best part of a muffin is the top - which means the bottoms either need to be heavily topped with something yummy (apple butter?), or discarded.
Well my friends, suffer this injustice no longer with
EtchCo's Effing Delicious Free Fall Muffins!
You see, muffins are the shape they are for two reasons:
1) The shape of the pan
2) Gravity
We scoffingly discard both pan and gravity for
EtchCo's Effing Delicious Free Fall Muffins!
First, we need a tall building...
Wait.
First, we need some math.
-Buildings average 10 feet per storey
-A falling object descends at about 150 feet per second
-For a 600 feet free fall, we'd get 4 seconds out of a 60 storey building.
While my Executive Assistant goes in search of a 60 storey building in Central Florida (DON'T tell me it can't be done, Janine - buy a 600 foot antenna tower if you have to), we'll cover the rest of the components...
We'll need a sealed shaft at least a couple feet in diameter. Next we'll need an oven capsule in which to bake our EtchCo's Effing Delicious Free Fall Muffins!
Wait no - the capsule would limit production speed, and we'd have to raise it after each batch-bake-drop. Let's forget the capsule and just heat the entire shaft to 400 degrees. With this setup, we'll simply inject measured doses of muffin batter from the top of the shaft, and by the time they reach the bottom, they'll be fully cooked, exquisitely spherical, and have no yucky, dry, compressed muffin bottoms.
We might need some sort of air puffer at the bottom of the shaft to slow the decent at the last possible instant - maybe a laser sensor coupled with a timed delay for the air compressor.
1) Everyone loves muffins.
2) Everyone knows the best part of a muffin is the top - which means the bottoms either need to be heavily topped with something yummy (apple butter?), or discarded.
Well my friends, suffer this injustice no longer with
EtchCo's Effing Delicious Free Fall Muffins!
You see, muffins are the shape they are for two reasons:
1) The shape of the pan
2) Gravity
We scoffingly discard both pan and gravity for
EtchCo's Effing Delicious Free Fall Muffins!
First, we need a tall building...
Wait.
First, we need some math.
-Buildings average 10 feet per storey
-A falling object descends at about 150 feet per second
-For a 600 feet free fall, we'd get 4 seconds out of a 60 storey building.
While my Executive Assistant goes in search of a 60 storey building in Central Florida (DON'T tell me it can't be done, Janine - buy a 600 foot antenna tower if you have to), we'll cover the rest of the components...
We'll need a sealed shaft at least a couple feet in diameter. Next we'll need an oven capsule in which to bake our EtchCo's Effing Delicious Free Fall Muffins!
Wait no - the capsule would limit production speed, and we'd have to raise it after each batch-bake-drop. Let's forget the capsule and just heat the entire shaft to 400 degrees. With this setup, we'll simply inject measured doses of muffin batter from the top of the shaft, and by the time they reach the bottom, they'll be fully cooked, exquisitely spherical, and have no yucky, dry, compressed muffin bottoms.
We might need some sort of air puffer at the bottom of the shaft to slow the decent at the last possible instant - maybe a laser sensor coupled with a timed delay for the air compressor.
Your only pitfall? Never mix muffins and math.
ReplyDeleteIt only takes 6 seconds to cook a muffin?
ReplyDeleteGet the kinks worked out and you've got yourself an investor.
(They used to use this technique to get musket-balls perfectly round, maybe you could find an intact 19th century ammunition factory, maybe you could convert the equipment there?)
A zero-G space muffin bakery is the obvious solution here. Remember to adjust the batter recipe for the altitude.
ReplyDelete