I've been in La La land for about ten years now, which is long enough to skew anyone's proper sensibilities. I've been fully assimilated into the California Collective. I need you guys to get me back into step with the real world (and I don't mean the TV show).
The UPS girl is so hot, this must be a porno movie or a dream.50 degrees qualifies as COLD.
Mistrust of anyone without a tan.
Chatting with strangers about your plastic surgery - "Do I look fat in this nose? Be honest."
Assume they're fake, instead of wondering if they're real.
The pizza delivery girl is so hot, this must be a porno movie or a dream.
Shorts and flip-flops acceptable anywhere - from a job interview to a fancy restaurant. I had a management coworker who ridiculed a group of interviewees because they wore a suit to their job interviews.
Like, every sentence - has like, many commas, and like - ends as a question?
"Dude" is a noun, verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.
Having your car washed twice a week. By hired help.
Midriff shirts are mandatory for men and women.
Every inch of rain = 10 fatalities (traffic, mudslide, flood, sinkhole, etc)
The sky is a bleached empty blue and looks like a 60's Star Trek projected backdrop.
Hummers, Limos, Helicopters, and Stealth Bombers are so prevalent, not only do they not turn heads, we're too cool to glance over.
The Xerox repair woman is so hot, this must be a porno movie or a dream. Don'twakeup don'twake up don'twake up...
Ha ha. It's time for you to return to the land of "normal" people. But bring some of those pizza girls with you, if you could.
ReplyDeleteI thought all the fake-breasted bad actresses worked as waitresses and retail clerks in between "acting" jobs. None of them have ever shown up delivering a package from UPS. Which is fine, because you know what they say about the FedEx men....
ReplyDeleteYou added a picture. You are a good person.
ReplyDeleteWhat? You've been writing some good shit?
ReplyDeleteKeep it up fuzz ball.