A Hellish Cacophony of 'Dear God Make It Stop'

A while back I mentioned that my new job which started in January was all about a music game - and that I would post here any songs I created that were any good at all.
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Well here it is Mid-March-ish and I have no songs worth posting even for their laugh factor. Sad and true. Tiny deaf children with tiny broken toy pianos make better music than I do.
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Granted, I had no contact with music-making growing up, never played an instrument, or even met someone who did. There was a rumor about a kid who once met a guitar, but he lived in the next county.
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But hell, I'm a halfways lucid adult - I should be able to pick up some basics and throw something together, right? RIGHT?
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No.
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My Dad is an artist. He can just look at a pencil and it will dance across a piece of sketch paper as if bewitched - and when he's done, the result is without a doubt Suitable For Framing...Personally, I have a hard time drawing a stick figure. My stick figures look mutated and unhappy. "Please erase me and then burn the paper" they seem to say.
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After Dad had spent over twenty years in the Army, he went back to college for another degree. In college he had to write a lot of essays, and creative writing has never been his strong suit - he taught himself English when he was 7 years old, so I can certainly understand.
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If there's one thing that I am slightly decent at, it's stringing words together. So the fact that the opening sentence of an essay was a huge source of stress for Dad was bizarre to me - as odd as my complete inability to hold a drafting pencil by the correct end was to him.
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The jury is still out on the whole Nature VS. Nurture thing, (seems to me to be something of both) but people definitely seem to be born with an aptitude for certain skills.
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Music is definitely not one of mine. Yeah.