Victimize Us! A Car Billboard

A shout-out to our readers in da Bronx, New York! How's it going? Nice to have ya's!

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Family pride is a great thing. If you're one of those gregarious, social, outgoing families that just LOVE to entertain, attend sporting events and church, volunteer at the homeless shelter, way to go.

Seriously, you guys rock. Everyone should be like you. What you're doing, that's what truly civilized people do. It's what I should be doing. I've always wanted to volunteer and help adults learn to read. Never got around to it.

Family pride! It's a beautiful thing, but it can lead to problems if you're too gullible, like so:

I'm sure you're all seen such cute stick-figure families, little custom decals applied to the back window of your friendly neighborhood mini-van or SUV.

We warn our children about strangers and smoking and drinking and drugs and a million other things. We want them to be safe. Allow me to clue you in: placing a billboard announcing your names to the world undermines your safety. The stick figures are cute, but leave off the names!

This scenario takes place with the wife, but a scam of misused information could just as easily occur with any of the family members...

Imagine you are Mary Anderson, wife to Bob and Mom to Brad and Lisa. The minivan is parked in the driveway. You're in the kitchen, tapping a questionably-ripe cantaloupe just so, listening for that just-right-sound that says "I'm Nummy!"

The house phone rings.

Mary: "Hello."

Woman's voice: "Mrs. Anderson? This is Mrs. Connors - I'm calling from Eastwood Elementary School. Brad and Lisa are not in class today, and we wondered if they will ill."

Mary: "What? No, I dropped them off myself."

Woman's voice: "Perhaps they decided to play hooky today?"

The doorbell rings.

Mary: "I have to go, thank you for calling."

Mary opens the door.

A crisp man dressed in a business suit waits on the stoop.

Man: "Mrs. Anderson?"

"Er - yes?" Mary stammers.

"I'm John Marconi. We need to talk about your husband, Bob."

"Bob? What is it?" Mary asks, alarmed.

"He has, shall we say, got himself into some trouble with my associates."

"What?"

"Bob has been spending beyond his means at our poker games. He owes us five thousand dollars. He claims he can't pay."

"What? Bob doesn't even know how to play poker!"

John smiles grimly. "We agree." He clears his throat. "As we have been waiting for our money for three months, the time has come for action."

Mary's eyes go wide and a horrible ding! goes off in her head.

"Brad and Lisa!"

"I'm afraid so, Mrs. Anderson."

"Where are they?"

"They're safe, for now. You and I have one hour to collect the five thousand dollars. How much do you have in the bank? The remainder will have to come out of your house - computer, HDTV, anything of value."

"I've got to call Bob."

"You won't call anyone, if you want your children returned safely. Let's go."

In reality, Brad and Lisa are safely at school, and Bob has never played poker in his life. Don't make it easy for people to victimize you - it's already easy enough.