A series of 13th Century scrolls were recently unearthed from a tomb in Eastern Mongolia. They chronicle the philosophical discourses of Genghis Khan and his best buddy, Jin Proh. The following is a precise translation from the original Mongolian...
Dear Proh,
I hope life is going well for you on your journeys. We have run out of Raisin Spice Quaker Oatmeal and have been making do with Cream of Wheat. Gods, how I hate Cream of Flippin Wheat.
Otherwise, I have little to complain about - except for the paper-cut I received opening your letter just now. It smarts! I'll have to get one of my wives to open my mail from now on.
On second thought, I'd better not - have you ever seen the way a woman opens a scroll? It's like there's a Winter Solstice present inside or something. They shred those things. The edges are all jaggedy, I hate that. It's like hey - take a minute, pick up knife and snip it neatly! Jeez.
I taught them how to do it properly, but they insist on getting it wrong. If they were warriors, I would have had them beaten to death for insubordination by now. And for what? A poorly opened letter. Embarrassing.
Thank you for the engravings of the hot Russian girls that you sent, they are very exotic. Perhaps you could ship one of their women back with your next letter. We could give up conquest and start a mail-order trade in Russian women, ha ha.
Don't take any wooden rubles!
Khan
Dear Proh,
I hope life is going well for you on your journeys. We have run out of Raisin Spice Quaker Oatmeal and have been making do with Cream of Wheat. Gods, how I hate Cream of Flippin Wheat.
Otherwise, I have little to complain about - except for the paper-cut I received opening your letter just now. It smarts! I'll have to get one of my wives to open my mail from now on.
On second thought, I'd better not - have you ever seen the way a woman opens a scroll? It's like there's a Winter Solstice present inside or something. They shred those things. The edges are all jaggedy, I hate that. It's like hey - take a minute, pick up knife and snip it neatly! Jeez.
I taught them how to do it properly, but they insist on getting it wrong. If they were warriors, I would have had them beaten to death for insubordination by now. And for what? A poorly opened letter. Embarrassing.
Thank you for the engravings of the hot Russian girls that you sent, they are very exotic. Perhaps you could ship one of their women back with your next letter. We could give up conquest and start a mail-order trade in Russian women, ha ha.
Don't take any wooden rubles!
Khan
wow... life was hard back then.
ReplyDeleteAfter dealing with her husband all day, what patience does she have left to snip open an envelope just so? Especially after spending all day with the new Russian wife, teaching her the correct poison to oatmeal ratio.
ReplyDeleteVerification Word: sosxft
ReplyDeleteSo Sexy Feet?
Soft Sex?
Socks and Feet?