BOOOOOOOOOOP

But...But...

Dear Mike,

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This is Mike. I'm emailing myself from 10 years in the future - it's 2016 here! How cool is that? I'm just testing out GMail To The Past (Beta). Right now there's a lot of legislation trying to shut the service down, so I can only send one email...

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I don't have a lot of time - I need to get the twins ready for school. I just have time for a few quick things.

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Cancel your auto insurance until 2014 - and then get double coverage and wear a helmet on Tuesdays.

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New York Lottery - January 23, 2011 (45, 02, 17, 66, 33, 09)

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When you meet Tabitha Perkins, QUIT YOUR JOB AND RUN AWAY.

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When you leave the house during 2008, always carry -

1) Jelly Belly Jelly Beans

2) A 9-Volt Battery

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Good luck dude!

Mike

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PS: When you meet a girl from your 'celebrity sex list', do not and I repeat do not agree to go for coffee. (whew, can't believe I almost forgot the most important one)

Obscure Pop Culture Reference from 1990

Trivia - What is the source of the reference in italics?

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So I had a one-night stand with this amazing brunette at a hotel... When I woke up, she was gone - but she'd left this weird note:

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I am the flower, you are the seed. We walked in the garden, we planted a tree. Dont try to find me, please don't you dare. Just live in my memory, you'll always be there.

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Answer to be revealed tomorrow in Comments, if no one gets it...

Whoa! I take it back! Do over! Undo! Alt-Ctrl-Z!

I have an ill-considered turn of phrase that I started using recently, for whatever reason - and it got me into trouble last night.

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It started one day as I was eating sunflower seeds, and Cindy walked by and tried to grab a couple of my sunflower seeds for herself.

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I jokingly guarded my hoard of seeds and said "They're not for girls!"

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"What?"

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"Uh. Yeah. The whole sunflower seeds thing - not very feminine. Very messy snack. You wouldn't like it."

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It didn't work, but it was funny at the time. So thereafter, if there was something I wanted to say "No" to, I'd just say "Not for girls!"

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The whole thing backfired on me last night during a bout of tickle-wrestling. She whacked my butt and I yelled "Ow! That's not for girls!"

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I've decided that it's time to retire that particular phrase from my vocabulary...

That's Crazy Talk!

There's a guy at the new apartment complex who owns this van -


You can see the solar panels on the roof of the van. This guy doesn't seem to have a job, because he is always coming out of the house to adjust the angle of the panels or to move the van to a better location.
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He's a 50ish geeky type, and seems lucid enough, so I asked him what it was all about. I assumed he was charging batteries to either run the van or to power items in his house.
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His name is Franklin, and he's working on "a fully artificial intelligence", as series of computer programs. Franklin said that he couldn't run off the electric grid, because of the potential for other computers to corrupt his programming right over the electric lines. (There IS internet you can run through power lines).
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He said that this was his third attempt, and that the first two attempts had been indoors, plugged normally into the grid - but never into the internet. Each time, fatal corruption of his code occurred, in a way that seemed almost intentional. He decided that it must be another AI - one that was trying to defend itself against the development of other AI.
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"An AI?" I said. "But..."

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He held his finger up to his lips to silence me, and simply drew a large capital 'G' in the air with his finger.
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Google as an aggressive AI? Come on...
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He waved away my doubtful look.
"That doesn't matter anymore. The same sort of errors are showing up - and I've only run these components on solar power."
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"So your code is just buggy."
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"No. I checked it, three times, line by line, digit by digit. There is an intelligence at work here."
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"What? The Sun?" I laughed out loud. "The sun is intelligent - and anti-AI?"
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"Anti-life. Only a very specific series of conditions on Earth protect us from the sun. Eventually the sun will destroy the Earth - it's inevitable. The Earth is alive as well. And sentient."
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"OK..." I said, trying to decide if I should edge away or just run for it.
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"So the Earth created us - the only creatures on the planet who could one day kill a star. In self defense."
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~~~~~

OK, so I made it all up. I've never talked to the guy. But how could the real reasons beat the babbles of my imagination?

Dammit Janet

Our lovely, adorable, very-well-behaved cat, who is spayed, has had her Rabies shot and a number of other vaccinations...

...Is in heat.
Oh the yowling.
Oh the caterwaling.

This makes me worry about that little bite she gave me last week. If she wasn't spayed, then did she ever have that Rabies shot? If I start foaming at the mouth and making even less sense than usual, you'll know why.

To diagnose her condition, we looked up her behavior online, (since this is our first cat and we know almost nothing about them). Yep, she's in heat all right. With the plethora of pet accessories out there, I have to wonder if there's a boy cat robot out there that could satisfy her, if just for a few minutes...

1) When your female cat presents and wiggles her booty,

2) Place the BoyCatBot3000 against the base of her tail.

3) The BoyCatBot3000's motion sensors and gyros will automatically engage,

4) The LovePiston (at 15PSI) will do the rest.

Repeat as necessary.

Squirrels!

This is the view from the living room at the new apartment. We don't have a view of a little lake as we did in Miami, but the trees are nice, and keep the place cooler in the afternoon - since the living room faces west.

We have squirrels here, (I didn't see a single one in Miami) and they climb all over the building for some reason. Are there acorns on the roof? I don't think so...

The cat spends her days perched atop a stack of boxes, watching the squirrel's every move. Her body language clearly states "These f*cking squirrels are up to something, and it's a damn good thing I'm here to keep an eye on them. One of them darted past with some U-235 the other day. I swear they're building something in that tree."

Her demands for an air strike on Tree Alpha-Foxtrot-987 have been largely ignored by the Pentagon.
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Not just for Birthdays anymore...

What's your opinion on household nudity? Should a person be allowed to walk past one of their windows with nothing on?

I'm not talking about rubbing your goods suggestively against the glass - no nude sunbathing on the patio - just breezing on by on your way to the kitchen first thing in the morning for a glass of water.

I'm thinking that if a person is looking into one of my windows (on the second floor, I might add) and they see something they would rather not have, it's their own damn fault. Don't look in my windows!

A Scattering of Scat (not the good kind)

Whatever happened to Wink Martindale, anyway? He hosted Tic Tac Dough like 30 years ago, and now he pops up doing Orbitz commercials. Where was he for 30 years, and why hasn’t he changed at all?

People who go through books (not textbooks) with a highlighter always struck me as odd.

I need to update my Monster resume… It still says I live in Miami. Though I did get a job offer for a position in Montreal, so I guess the location isn’t as important…

There are other rivers in Egypt

You know you have issues when you catch yourself putting off buying new underwear because you're planning on losing weight soon.

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Ziggurat of Cattitude

The things I do for my matriarchs...

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I'm so PC, I run OS X

I was reading Boing Boing this morning as per usual, when I came across this article:
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"These coat hooks look like regular pub-darts, but come with special fittings to make them stick into the wall; would lend an air of insouciant sportiness to any home. Link (via Cribcandy)"

Mike: Neat! I wonder if Paulius has seen this. Maybe I should send him a link to it.

Mike's Overdeveloped Sense of Political Correctness: Woah, wait a minute there. Why Paulius? Why not Kato or SQ or anyone else?

Mike: Uh, well... Paulius is from Britain, and darts and pubs and all that make me think of Britain.

Mike's Overdeveloped Sense of Political Correctness: So he's automatically a lush, just because he's British?

Mike: No, of course not. I think he used to work in a bar.

Mike's Overdeveloped Sense of Political Correctness: So he's automatically an Andy Capp-type stereotype? He LOVES everything about pubs? He has a neon sign of his favorite brand of Guinness? Giant novelty tankards? Calls everyone "Govnuh"??

Mike: No. No. No!

Mike's Overdeveloped Sense of Political Correctness: He probably thinks you wear a cowboy hat, stink of stolen foreign oil and french fries, and are ignorant about any country but your own. How would you like that?

Mike: (chastised) I wouldn't.

Mike's Overdeveloped Sense of Political Correctness: That's right. Now go blog about this. And don't let me catch you thinking stereotypical thoughts again.

OH MY GOD

Usually I have a take-it-or-leave-it view when it comes to soda.

A can of Coke is a handy way to get some sugar and caffeine if I need a pick-me-up to push through desk fatigue for an hour or so.

But flavor? Fuh-get abaat it. Soda tastes like syrupy crap for the most part. Not only that, but drinking soda makes you thirstier, so it serves no purpose other than the brief high. (I don't even acknowledge the existence of Caffeine Free Diet Coke [shudder] because damn).

All that said, you need to run (naked, if need be) out to the car Right This Instant and speed your ass to the store, where you can procure a few thousand cans of Jones Green Apple soda.

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It is the most delicious carbonated beverage in the universe, my friends. Your taste buds will have tiny taste-buddy orgasms. The resulting endorphin rush is well worth the calories.

GO NOW!...Thank me later.

TV Diner?

Another entry in the "I'm sure this already exists somewhere" files...

There are all sorts of sports bars out there, where folks can get together with other fans and watch sporting events live.

Why not TV Diners? (Get it? It's like TV Dinner, but not. I slay me.) You could get together with other fans and watch House, or CSI Miami, or American Idol, or what have you.

Instead of the lonely activity where you lie mindlessly on the couch, you could watch your favorite shows with a group of other people, talking and laughing while chowing down on fries and chicken strips - or hey, why not a salad?

There could be contests and trivia during the commercial breaks, and all-night events during marathons. Character look-alike contests! You could cancel your cable tv service and only watch TV while at the diner. You'd watch less TV, and when you did it would be a social activity.

There could be different segments of the diner - Poppy stuff like American Idol in this corner, while The Discovery Channel is running in another corner. A nostalgia corner where TV Land is running old re-runs of 90210. I'd go!

This probably already exists...

How about a sticker that goes on refrigerated and frozen foods while still at the factory - as long as the temperature stays in the permitted range, the sticker stays a friendly color.

Perhaps even a yummy smiley-face could be on the sticker, along with the message "I Was Always Frozen!".

If the temperature rises above the permitted range, the sticker would change - and never change back to the original yummy state. Mebbe Mr. Yuk could be hired for the job?

"I Thawed Out and Then Spoiled"

Then you would know if the boxes sat in an unrefrigerated truck overnight, or stacked on the floor at the grocery store too long before being put away - or even left on your counter too long.

This seems like a very logical and totally do-able thing - It's probably already in use somewhere, but I've never seen it.

Like Bunnies!

I read a CNN article about a question posted by Stephen Hawking (physicist, wheelchair enthusiast) to Yahoo Answers.

Hawking's question:
"In a world that is in chaos politically, socially and environmentally, how can the human race sustain another 100 years?"

Hawking assumes that we will have off-world settlements after the 100 year mark - and that mankind could withstand an Earthly extinction level event by being on another planet. I hope we have off-world settlements by 2106, but I have my doubts. Even if we have them, how self-sufficient can they be without Earth to turn to? And will they be peopled with a scattering of scientists or a diverse group intended for re-population?

I'm thinking we'll survive on Earth because there are billions of us. All it takes is a handful of survivors, and we'll find a way to live on as long as Earth can sustain life in even isolated areas. Not an encouraging thought really, but there it is.

What do you guys think?

A Hodge-Podge of Etcher Memes

Blah Blah / Moving / Work / Babbling / Cat / Something Odd / Cat / Babbling / Cat / Crazy Idea / Moving / Cat

Also, I poured a cup of coffee last night, then decided I didn't want it and put it in the fridge (cause it's easier to throw something away the next day). This morning there was a funky pattern of floating particles on top, probably due to the vibration of the fridge compressor.
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When it was still innocent and pure

We took some pics of the apartment before we started moving stuff in. The whole place is a huge chaotic mess of boxes right now.
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This is a view from the living room to the kitchen and dining room. Why oh why the kitchen pass-through is such a source of excitement, I have no idea.
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Maybe if we actually did the whole 'Entertain' thing you hear about constantly on HGTV.."Like, ohmygod, that'll be great for when we entertain!"..it would matter, but we're too antisocial.
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Guess What!

We've spent years living under draconian apartment managements who wouldn't allow pets. Our new complex welcomes small pets...

So we got a cat!

Cindy has named her Catalina and we're calling her Lina for short. We don't know what breed she is yet, but she's very well behaved and loves attention. She's super precious and even though she woke me up 10 times last night, I still enjoy her company.

It must be love.

Judge Not, and all that there stuff

I was searching online for the closest gym to the new apartment - we live near a commercial area and I hoped I might even be able to walk just a few blocks to a gym.
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My search came up with this. I'm not making this up, it's real.
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I don't know that I would be comfortable there with my cheap, unblessed bottle of tap water...

We've Moved!

The move is finally over! We were sad to leave our lovely apartment complex in Miami, but the new apartment in Ocala is also very pretty and allows us a lot more space - who doesn't love that?

Here's a quote from Wikipedia about Ocala:
"The city has a total area of 100.1 km² (38.6 mi²), all land. The surrounding farms are famous for their thoroughbred horses, in terrain similar to Kentucky bluegrass. Ocala is also known for nearby Silver Springs, Florida, site of one of the largest artesian spring formations in the world and one of the earliest tourist attractions in Florida."

Doesn't that just scream high-tech? I should have no trouble getting a computer job. Or maybe diagnosing horse diseases. Perhaps from a horse-disease database? Wait a minute.....I don't know anything about horses!..I've been practicing "Would you like fries with that?" in front of a mirror, and I think I have it perfect - just the right amount of bitterness tinged with seething apathy.

Here's a pic of the stairs leading to our new apartment. All of the angles and measurements are just a bit off - such as in this picture, where the window is not centered. The whole thing has a kind of Beetlejuice feel.
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