No, you're right - it IS lighter. I used to take these Yak Groin Extract pills, which gave my beard a lustrous dark sheen that typically is only found sprouting out of folks with 'Darth' in front of their name. But the pills started to give me a rash, so I stopped taking them.
No one will notice or care, so why should I take the time and effort to blacken my facial hair? From now on, only for special occasions.
Today is an off-kilter day. I got up at 6:45, sorted my laundry by priority and threw it in the washer. I put fish in the oven, cause these are the sort of things you do before 7am. I made black beans and steamed rice. I laid out a good dozen tupperware containers to contain the results of these cooking efforts.
I chastised myself as I prepped - I was cutting the fish into bite sized portions with a pair of scissors. If cooking is to lovemaking as candles are to toledo steel, then cutting my oven-thawed-frozen-fish into uniform rectangles with office scissors is sexual violation of the indifferent kind.
...Maybe I'm reading too many books where cooking is an art form.
I finished 'The Sea of Tears' this morning. In comparison to the rest of the novel, I rushed through the last 30 or pages or so. I feel guilty about that now. Part of it is, the last 30 pages are a rush of activity, so perhaps the sensensation was half book, half me.
Feeling irked and a bit sad today, life doesn't seem to have a lot of meaning. It might be a side effect of reading lots of rich prose before bed, and first thing in the morning. Life as usual aint exactly pregnant with meaning. Or is it... Hmm. Perhaps I need only look deeper, consider more thoughtfully, muse more deeply. Nah.
There's no meaning. But, being the inventive little creatures that we are, we invent our own meanings and that's what we're good at.
I rushed around this morning doing everything but what I should (like eat breakfast, take my vitamins) and so I ended up buying a blueberry muffin and a vanilla frapachino in the courtyard, which is beautiful in the morning. The courtyard is beautiful in the morning. Food is nice, but I meant the courtyard. Sorry. Buying breakfast while at work seems lazy and superficial, parading my Starbucks logo for all to see. Meh.
I still dream of owning a laptop, and getting to work extra early so that I can relax outside in the courtyard, sitting on one of the very pretty carved benches, enjoying the morning and writing. If I tried it, I would probably discover that it was windy and cold, the furniture was damp with dew, the cleaning staff were making distracting noise, traffic was quite loud, and coworkers would spot me on their way in and want to chat. That last one is unlikely since I'm not very chatty at work.
I'd want to sit on the benches, but the laptop would get all hot on my lap. I'd want some sort of desk in front of the bench. I'd want to bring foot warmers, a desk, a CD player, an extra laptop battery, headphones, and all of that gear would be too much hassle, so I would bring nothing and do nothing. Defeatist.
Also, it would be nice to have a day off, (today is my 9th day in a row) but I have a feeling that we're about to have a month or two off, so I'll hang out and earn money while they's paying me.
So it's an off-kilter day, but just because I chose to do atypical things this morning. It'll be fine.
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