Grooming.

This ties in with the whole Silly Monkeys theme...

I've been growing a neatly trimmed beard for a few years now, and still have trouble keeping it even on both sides. Now, since my face is itself asymmetrical, an uneven beard is probably a feature The Big Guy would call 'by design'.

Anywhoo, I do my best to keep the left and right side congruent, but it's tricky. I've thought off and on about making a beard template that I could build. Let the whole beard grow its own crazy way for a few weeks, then trim one side just so, and make a template for use on the other side.

Once made, the template could be used to keep both sides even.

I dunno what I'd make it out of... Transparent and semi-flexible plastic, I suppose. But it would kind of need to stick to my face for a least 5 minutes at a time. Velcro it right on, using the beard itself as a velcro surface? Mebbe.

There is probably an existing product like this, but since everyone's facial structure is different, how would it work? Mebbe you hold the template up to your face and spray a wash-offable color on your face. The you drop the template and cut off any hair that doesn't belong. And then wash the color off. Or leave it on, for that stylish metrosexual flair.

A little electrolysis would be good too, to kill off those follicles that I know are undesirable. No, I really don't need a beard hair growing out of my cheekbone. That one can get zapped. It can't be that hard to built a little zapper you could use yourself. Hey, most hair you want to get rid of is in places you'd rather not have a trained technician show up and start probing, neh?

Again, this probably already exists. I'm really good at going "Hey, you know what the world needs? A Blah Blah Blee." And then 5 minutes later, I find it on Froogle. Oh well, I could have terrible, unmarketable ideas. At least this way is somewhat reassuring.