We're planning to move cross country next year. I've moved cross country many a time, (John Walsh will NOT leave me be) but I've never moved with so much crap. As a single guy, I kept big items (furniture) to a minimum, mostly because I was too poor to afford beds, dressers and armoires.
I'm more than half tempted to sell everything at rock bottom prices and start over afresh on the east coast. Sell the cars too. Fly out with one suitcase each and a lot of money in the bank. This idea was vetoed by the Missus.
We'll be getting rid of a lot of stuff, but of course my darling wants to keep the heaviest stuff. One cannot return to ones hometown as the conquering hero without truckloads brimming with quality IKEA goods.
Selling stuff will mean dealing with people, taking their phone calls, and explaining why they can't buy a 27" TV for five dollars. Once a price is agreed upon, I'll have to meet the person, they'll come in my apartment (shudder), inspect the item, revise their bid (shudder), and then I get to help them carry it down the stairs.
FUN!
Since - until I get to know you - I'm a highly nonsocial person (hard to tell, I know) this will be a pain. How about we do the whole thing via email? Yeah! I'll just leave the dresser you're buying in the parking lot at exactly 6:04PM. You show up at 6:14 (must have a safety overlap of ten minutes) and collect your item.
Pay me through Pay-pal.
I'm more than half tempted to sell everything at rock bottom prices and start over afresh on the east coast. Sell the cars too. Fly out with one suitcase each and a lot of money in the bank. This idea was vetoed by the Missus.
We'll be getting rid of a lot of stuff, but of course my darling wants to keep the heaviest stuff. One cannot return to ones hometown as the conquering hero without truckloads brimming with quality IKEA goods.
Selling stuff will mean dealing with people, taking their phone calls, and explaining why they can't buy a 27" TV for five dollars. Once a price is agreed upon, I'll have to meet the person, they'll come in my apartment (shudder), inspect the item, revise their bid (shudder), and then I get to help them carry it down the stairs.
FUN!
Since - until I get to know you - I'm a highly nonsocial person (hard to tell, I know) this will be a pain. How about we do the whole thing via email? Yeah! I'll just leave the dresser you're buying in the parking lot at exactly 6:04PM. You show up at 6:14 (must have a safety overlap of ten minutes) and collect your item.
Pay me through Pay-pal.
Or don't. Just take the crap away with you.
Perhaps there could be Moving Ninja of some sort. You get the news that The Company is transferring you to Phoenix. You don't buy boxes, you don't disconnect anything. You just contact The Moving Ninja!!
You simply go to bed in your old apartment. The next day, you wake up in your new apartment, blinking and shrugging off the chloroform and you negotiate the maze of boxes as you search for your new bathroom.
Right now I'm thinking of going the Pods route... Wait, I just checked and it would cost $5800 dollars to go the Pods route, damn. And you pack and unpack the Pod yourself, and they just schlep the container for you.
Imagine how much Moving Ninja would cost.
Perhaps there could be Moving Ninja of some sort. You get the news that The Company is transferring you to Phoenix. You don't buy boxes, you don't disconnect anything. You just contact The Moving Ninja!!
You simply go to bed in your old apartment. The next day, you wake up in your new apartment, blinking and shrugging off the chloroform and you negotiate the maze of boxes as you search for your new bathroom.
Right now I'm thinking of going the Pods route... Wait, I just checked and it would cost $5800 dollars to go the Pods route, damn. And you pack and unpack the Pod yourself, and they just schlep the container for you.
Imagine how much Moving Ninja would cost.
Plus the moving ninja is a multitasker. If you have an enemy whose house you really like, the ninja can eliminate your enemy and move you into his house, all for one low price.
ReplyDeleteMovingNinjas.com: Your One Stop Shop For Assasination and Relocation
Holy shit, CK, that's pretty damned funny.
ReplyDeleteWish I'd thought of it.
I will now delete your comment and steal your comedy, adding it to my post!
Bwa ha ha ha!!
Go ahead ans steal it. I don't mind. When you open your Moving Ninja service and use my tagline, I will expect compensation, though.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain!
ReplyDelete