Thursday, July 14, 2005

Rock Garden For Me!

Mowing the grass is a pain in the ass, as has been well demonstrated of late.

I work in a large complex of buildings with elaborate landscaping throughout. There's a team of guys who does nothing else but tend this landscaping, which has to be tiresome for them.

Growing up, one of my chores was to cut the grass, trim the edges, rake, and etc. I always swore that when I had my own house, I'd get rock landscaping, astroturf, or just pour concrete and paint it green.

Sure, I'd miss that 'fresh cut grass' smell, but that's what neighbors are for. I'll bet you can buy that scent in a can, too. I could spritz the rock garden with it.

The main problem with grass is, you have to cut it at least once a week, and my folks have been known to cut the grass twice a week.

What a huge pain! Having the right tools reduces the annoyance, since you can get mulching blades for the mower that minimize your need to rake or bag (which we never had). But still, who wants to waste time in this way? Dooce agrees with me, so I must be right!

(If you have a lovely and elaborate garden, and gardening is a hobby you enjoy, great. I'm talking about the constant need for those of us non green thumbs to cut the grass so the yard doesn't look like hell.)

I live in an apartment, so I am spared the chores of yardwork, Saints be Praised.

But as usual with my brain, it mutters "There's gotta be a better way..." as I walk past the guys toiling in the hot sun to mow, rake, edge and trim.

Yeah, there are robot lawnmowers, but you need to be in the yard to watch them, make sure they don't kill a dog or maim a child.

How about attacking the problem more directly? Dwarf Wheat is a great example of how the size/growth pattern of a plant was modified to great result.

Why not engineer a type of grass that grows only to three or four inches tall, and stops there? Like the hairs on your arm, they would grow to X length and then stop.

This would save billions of tons of lawn waste being added to landfills every year, and think of all the lawn-mower related accidents that would be saved.

Most lawn mowers run on gasoline, so there would be a lot less pollution from that source.

A lot of landscaping people would lose their jobs, or have their duties minimized to trimming bushes and trees. But do they really enjoy mowing, anyway?

4 comments:

  1. Hmmm
    Well, mowing is the big chore, so if that was eliminated, landscapers could play with the other duties, maybe be more creative, or get more work done, more homes done in a day.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Have you ever just cruised around on a riding lawnmower?

    Push mowers are just tiring and very hot work, riding lawnmowers can be fun.

    Just start 'er up, get a nice cold beer in your hand, and imagine those blades of grass are all the people you hate.

    "Fall before me, puny green annoyances!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Never had the riding mower experience, but I vow to hate mowing no matter what the device.

    ...Unless a robotic arm wielding a laser could just pop out of the center of the yard, and zap the grass to a specified length with a single spin/pass.

    That might be acceptible.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Funny, the lawn mowing laser was something I always wanted to invent when I was a kid, probably for the same reasons you're suggesting it now.

    Oh, and Yankee Candle sells freesh cut grass scented candles. Personally, I think they stink, but my wife loves them.

    ReplyDelete