Bleh.

The 30th of November is here, and I managed to not finish my NaNoWriMo novel. Ugh. One more thing started, and not finished. It's annoying, frustrating, depressing.

Some good writing came out of it, and I've written more in this month than I have all year. I can't exactly complain about those things. I just need to make sure I finish it, that's all. Even if it's awful, even if everyone hates it, I want to finish it. If I can maintain some semblance of discipline, I'll be able to work on it every day and finish in a month or two. I have to admit that writing every day is a liberating thing, but it's also draining.

Doubt gnaws as I'm writing that I'm not taking anything seriously enough, that we don't really get to know the characters. I usually rely on a character's words and actions, rather than long mental monologues about their life and situation. And the story jumps from one group or setting to another, every few pages. Is that intruiging or irritating, I don't know. I'll get Michelle's reaction, and maybe Liz will read it too.

I didn't write on Sunday or Monday. I'm not really feeling like it today, either. Just miffed at myself for not writing more this month - I really wanted to succeed on my first attempt at Na. (There's a Simpson's scene where Homer tells Bart that "If you're not good at something right away, it'a ok to quit!") I know that first times are learning experiences, and you're not likely to succeed. Yeah yeah.

I wanted to prove to myself that I could be a writer as a job, sit home every day and pound out novel after novel. If I can't be prolific, how can Fiction Interactive ever work? Not that 25,000 words in a month (while holding down a full time job) is a bad thing, but all the NaNoWriMo hype made me think I could do it. Good thing too - or I wouldn't have written anything this month. Thank you, hype!

I think the book is quirky and interesting, or at least it will be. I haven't really gotten to the parts where all of the human drama is explored. All of the emergencies and challenges that the people have to deal with, and the stress and greed and guilt. Right now it still feels pretty shallow, not very novelly. I guess it's a question of "is it deep, a work of art" or "is it entertainment, an escape from the everyday". It's not a work of art. But most of the books out there are just entertainment, and they sell, and people make their living writing them. Hey, why not me.

So I'm gonna finish late, but I'm gonna finish. Just irked at myself right now for missing the Nov 30 date.